Stay on Offense Climb Mountains

Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Eight

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“You Matter,” is written by Matthew Emerzian and is an attempt to persuade you of three things. First that you indeed do matter, second that others matter too and third, that all of us together matter. I thought it was well presented with some fun stories in it as well.

You

It is basically the idea that you are unique and as such can have an impact. Your uniqueness means you matter. Everybody can make a difference in the world just by being alive. He puts it this way, “You matter because you are unique. You matter because you are a gift to the world. You matter because you are one in some eight billion. You matter because you are a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister. You matter because you belong here.” Nicely said, Matt!

He says that you should find a song that is “your song” and play it all the time. I liked that. He calls it “your official song.” That is a good idea. Do it.

He also asks you what matters most to you. He has you make a list. He says, “What matters most to you is what you spend most of your time and resources on. Are you spending most of your time and resources on things that bring you joy and feel authentically “you?”

Others

“Life is not meant to be done alone.” That is a real kick in the butt for me. I have been alone for over thirty years. Oh well. He goes on and makes a case for this and he is right I am sure.

He discusses being creative and doing things for other people. Writing to them. I liked his idea of writing a note to people that are most important in your life. A little appreciation note. Great idea. He also suggests you write a letter to yourself.

We

Emerzian tells the story about how he was afraid of flying and what ultimately got him past that was internalizing the idea that his “mission” to help others was more important than his fears. One significant event that helped him was having a woman tell him he prevented her from committing suicide. That would certainly do it for me. Then he asks what fear you might have that prevents you from being of service.

He tells you to ask your self these questions, “What is the one thing you hate about your community? Great. What are you doing to change it.”

This was a decent book. I think his attempt at helping people realize that they matter didn’t have much heart in it. His passion it seems is with helping others and that’s good.

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Seven

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At the beginning of this book by Mark Manson with the hopeless title, “Everything is F*ucked,” he says, “One day, you and everyone you love will die. And beyond a small group of people for an extremely brief period of time, little of what you say or do will ever matter. This is the Uncomfortable Truth of Life. And everything you think or do is but an elaborate avoidance of it. We are inconsequential cosmic dust, bumping and milling around on a tiny blue speck. We imagine our own importance. We invent our purpose – we are nothing.
Enjoy your f*king life.”

That is nihilism!

Hope

He goes on to say that people need hope almost as much as they need air. That, “depression is a crisis of hope.” Then he makes the point that his book is “against nihilism.” He says by starting with it we can argue against it. You can build a case for hope.

First, he points out some uncomfortable facts, like…symptoms of depression and anxiety, are on an eighty-year upswing amount young people and a twenty-year upswing amount the adult population. Not only are people experiencing depression in greater numbers, but they’re experiencing it at earlier ages, with each generation.” Also, that “…the wealthier and safer the place you live, the more likely you are to commit suicide.” He says that is “Because the better the world gets, the more we have to lose, the less we feel we have to hope for.”

Then he says, “To build and maintain hope, we need three things: a sense of control, a belief in the value of something, and a community.” The rest of the book examines these three areas.

Self Control

The idea of having two brains is not new. He examines it here. The feeling brain and the thinking brain are how he describes it. The feeling brain is emotions and the thinking brain is logic. He says they don’t talk to each other very well.

The problem of self-control is an uneducated “Feeling Brain that has adopted and accepted poor value judgments about itself and the world.” Or as he says, “The problem is that, at some point, likely a long time ago, we got punched in the face, and instead of punching back, we decided we deserved it.”

Self Worth

I thought the hedge to this short section was perfect. It is “Our Self-Worth Equals the Sum of Our Emotions Over Time.” What an interesting way to look at it. He says, “Life kicks you around a little bit, and you feel powerless to stop it. Therefore, your Feeling Brain concludes that you must deserve it.”

He concludes this section by saying, “People suck, and life is exceedingly difficult and unpredictable.” However, he says we will encounter more suffering if we stay separated from others thinking we are either better than them or don’t measure up.

He goes on to discuss two more emotional laws. Did you miss the first one? The title of that section.

Nietzsche

The author discusses this philosopher and I thought what he discussed rang true. He said “ Nietsche called the elite the “masters” of society, as they have almost complete control over wealth, production, and political power. He called the working masses the “slaves” of society because saw little difference between a laborer working his whole life for a small sum and slavery itself.” Isn’t that soothing to think about! Another idea accompanied this one – that people get what they deserve. He called it Master Morality.

Then he says the slaves (laborers) of society generated a moral code of there own that they were righteous and virtuous because of their weakness. “Whereas master morality believes in the virtue of strength and dominance, save morality believes in the virtue of sacrifice and submission.”

Kant

Manson says Kant “argued that the most fundamental moral duty is the preservation and growth of consciousness, both in ourselves and in others.” And Kant presents us with a “Formula for Humanity” which states, “Act that you use humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, always at the same time as an end, never merely as a means.” Kant is so hard to read.

This is when Manson throws “hope” in the ditch. Says if we act unconditionally then we don’t have to rely on hope. You just love someone not expecting anything in return.

Pain

Manson has some interesting things to say about pain. The first one has to do with the biggest pain, death. He says, “Death is psychologically necessary because it creates stakes in life.” I suppose you didn’t have something to lose you really don’t appreciate it. I know at my age death is at least a weekly thought. He goes on and says, “Without the pain of loss (or potential loss), it becomes impossible to determine the value of anything at all.”

Nassim Taleb wrote the book “Antifragile,” and Manson brings up that theme. He says, “the more antifragile we become, the more graceful our emotional responses are, the more control we exercise over ourselves, and the more principled our values. Antifragility is therefore synonymous with growth and maturity.

“…the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our character, and the quality of our character is determined by our relationship to our pain,” says Manson.

So he says not to pursue happiness. Pursue pain. You want to be able to decide what pain you are going to pursue. He puts it this way, “When we pursue pain, we are able to choose what pain we bring into our lives. And this choice makes pain meaningful – and therefore it is what makes life meaningful.” That is profound! I choose the mountain. Go hiking. It is great pain.

There is more in the book, but this is a pretty good summary if I do say so myself.

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Six

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Does everything seem to be happening faster? In their book “The Future is Faster Than You Think,” Peter Diamandis and Steven Kotler make the cat that you don’t even realize how fast it is going. They say that it is not just in one particular area where we will see dramatic changes but rather the convergence of technologies will have the most impact.

Moores Law

You have most likely heard of Moores Law – that the number of transistors in a dense integrated circuit double about every two years. Think about how that has changed your life over time.

We can now carry cell phones around in our pocket that began as giant car battery size devices. Well, you haven’t seen anything yet.

Rose’s Law

Have you heard of Rose’s Law? This is the new one. It is that the number of qubits in a quantum computer doubles every year. The authors say it has been named “Moores Law on steroids because qubits in superposition have way more power than binary bits in transistors.”

Yes, quantum computing is going to change things a lot. These authors don’t even know what innovations will emerge once quantum computing matures. That is very exciting!

New materials, new chemicals, and new drugs. The future is going to be amazing and happening so fast.

Examples

Tree planting drones “that fire “seedpod” bullets into the ground, allowing a single, drone to plant as many as one hundred thousand trees a day.” Isn’t that something?

Virtual and augmented reality will kick in like never before as VR matures.

Flying cars! Uber already is planning to provide trips from atop of buildings in LA to tops of buildings in San Diego.

Very fast underground “trains.” How does 700 miles per hour sound? The authors use the example of someone leaving their home in Cleveland Ohio at 9:00 AM and arriving at their 10:00 AM appointment on Wall Street right on time.

Or how about the “spaceship” that gets people fro New York to Shanghai China in 35 minutes?

Increase in life span. The authors say, “We’re heading toward a world of long-lived, AI-enhanced, globally interconnected humans – a world far different from the one which we find ourselves.”

Supporting the previous example are the plans of a company called Neuralink. “Neuralink has a plan for a two-gigabyte-per-second wireless connection from the brain to the cloud and wants to begin human trilby the end of 2021.” So how do they get that link into the brain? They inject it!

There is much more in the book. You can read about how the retail, advertising, and entertainment business will be transformed. So get it and read it!

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Six

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Gary John Bishop is an interesting character and the author of the book, “Stop Doing That Sh*t.” It is a self-help book. You wouldn’t pick it up unless you thought you needed to help your self in some way, especially if you thought you needed to stop doing something.

It is a book that approaches self-sabotage in a different light than what I have read in the past. It is not for everybody. There is, of course, lots of bad language and he doesn’t apologize for that. After all, he also wrote the book, “Unfu*k Yourself.”

The Dedication

I liked his dedication. How many of you just skip over a dedication in a book. It isn’t what you are after or so you think. However, I thought it was well said in this case so I will share.

“I dedicated this book to the helpless and hopeless, the frustrated and defeated: today is a day when it can all begin anew. I don’t care about your past, and you shouldn’t either.”

Good, right? So if you are helpless and hopeless this book might be one you should read. But you say you have lots of hope! Hope that your car doesn’t break down again because you can’t afford to get it fixed, Hope that you can pay the rent. Hope you don’t get sick. You get the gist of this, lots of hope. Right!

Your Center

Bishop calls it your core and asks what is at the core of every human. His answer is “bullshit.” That’s pretty original and a lot different than other answers you would get from self-help gurus.

I really liked what he says about self-talk. “Your self-talk is the locker room of your life.” And he goes on to elaborate:

“People are little more than a living conversation, both internal and spoken. A dialogue in a body. A skin-and-bone bag that talks, and it talks about everything, and the limit of that talk is the limit of that life. Period.” The bold is mine. He says it is not the horrible life you have but the conversation you are having about it that has you by the throat.

Self Sabotage

This is a large part of the book so I will be taking bits and pieces from it. Please read the book if you want to get more out of it.

I liked a quote he reproduces from the writings of Marcus Aurelius’s writings, “The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.”

There are three saboteurs. “The three saboteurs are the fundamental conclusions you have come to about yourself, other people in your life, and life itself.”

The Question

Bishop asked himself the question, “Why is my life the way it is?” It is a decent question. Have you asked it yourself? Maybe your life is perfect. If so Bishop would ask why you were reading his book. Anyway, he came up with some reasons.

He says that if you want to accomplish some things you have to get used to see other things. He puts it this way, “Whatever you are out to accomplish in this life, you’ll have to get more than a little okay with the experience of struggle or hell, even overwhelm.”

Also, he claims that those who survive are those that are the best predictors. “Every Monday morning is the same because you are already predicting how it will go before it even starts.” He says you have an opinion about how everything is going to go. Your subconscious is responsible.

I like what he says here. “Circumstances may change, but what stays the same is how you see them, as well as how you deal with them and ultimately how you participate in life.” He goes on, “Your entire life to this point has been a series of actions subconsciously driven to trap you in the same bubble of life.”

He says your “subconscious is working you like a sock puppet.” I thought that was pretty funny. He says people are more concerned with fixing themselves than improving themselves.

The Three Saboteurs

You have a way your subconscious views yourself, other people and life. Bishop takes you through the steps find our what those are for you. These are your established truths. I liked that part of the book.

He says, “You? You’re victimizing yourself into a truly forgettable life. Like most people, you’d rather explain your life than intervene in it.” “Your actions are always in alignment with your conclusions.” Of course, he is talking about your conclusions regarding yourself, other people and life. He goes on, “Day after day, week after week, year after year, you see yourself in the same way, you see others in a very distinct way and you see life in the same way you always see it. Talk about predictable.”

He says you form these conclusions in your first two decades of life. Twenty is fifty-four years ago for me. I can’t remember what conclusions I had come to at that time. I think for me the most negative conclusions about these three things came much later in life.

Once you dig down and discover what these are for you, he tells you that you can’t change it. And here is where we disagree. He says the solution is to focus only on the future and do what your future tells you to do. What? Maybe that’s good for younger people but not when you are creeping up on the average life expectancy.

However, the book has some great insights about life so I highly recommend it.

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Five

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You are saying you never heard of this book? Well, not many copies were sold. Quite a few were given away. The author, me, has decided to review it three years after it was written. Al little self-promotion doesn’t hurt once in a while.

Why would I want to do that? After all, if you read the review maybe you will figure you don’t need to buy the book. Well, I just thought it would be fun and I didn’t get many reviews on Amazon. Primarily because I was unable to afford to promote it.

There are four strategies for overcoming adversity in this book, all of which I used to get through difficult times in the past. They are so simple, but like everything, not easy.

Exercise

This is, of course, basic, but not many do it. Recent studies have found that exercise is just as effective as Zoloft. That is why it is critical if you are facing adversity.

If you hate it and I have talked to people that really hate it, you can still make it a habit. I hate brushing my teeth. It’s boring, but I, like most of us have made it a habit. By the way, get the book “Atomic Habits” or “Tiny Habits. Both will help you eliminate bad habits and add good ones like exercise. If you are primarily visual get the “Tiny Habits” book. Maybe you will lose some weight too if that is what you want.

Diet

However, you won’t lose much weight exercising! Diet is eighty percent of weight loss. Again this is basic. If your diet is all out of wack you will not be as effective dealing with adversity. My book discusses various diets in what I thought was an attempt at humor.

The reality is that the best diet is personal. It should be based on your genetics and your ancestry. Northern Europeans do better with some foods than people from South America and visa versa. Get a genetic test done and then find out what is best for you. When I was going through my difficulties none of this was available. I went on a strict vegan diet, which helped but I ruined my health long term because I did not supplement.

Therapy

If you are struggling in life then chances are you need to talk about it. Therapy is expensive. If you are homeless or just broke it is not an option for you, right? Wrong! In the book, I talk about this and how I found “free” therapy.

For those of you that are not penniless, you could consider a more conventional form of therapy. However, you could still use the one I suggest in the book. Either way, get some!

Journaling

This has been discussed so much in the last year or so in book after book. I discovered it on my own during my struggles. I detail my method in the book, but it is basically getting your feelings down on paper. Do it every day! It will help you deal with any depression you might experience.

Journaling will also give you a method of comparing the present to the past to see how you have changed or not.

Quotes

I love quotes and the book is in some ways a just a series of quotes. At the end of the book, I have five pages dedicated to quotes from Louis L’Amour, the famous western novelist. They were compiled by his daughter and arranged by subject. I think this may be the best part of the book.

So now you don’t need to read the book, but if your curious head on over to Amazon and order it. Thanks!

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Four

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The book “Search,” was published in 1985, but had a great impact on me at the time and I believe it is a bookish weapon you too can use in life.

It is a summary of what he was teaching at his workshops at the time. Janes Kavanaugh was a Catholic Priest and a poet and a writer who taught what he believed. I read this book the first time right after my first divorce.

Present Feelings

“When we deny strong feelings as I did for twenty or thirty years, they take their toll at some point in bodily symptoms, disease, depression, or consistent unhappiness,” says Kavanaugh. He talks about a young woman he saw at the store and how she looked sad and in despair, but would not communicate it to anyone. “She will dream of some magical solution, seek her release in novels or movies or the soaps, and join the parade of the empty and miserable.”

He discusses how “Searchers” are different than the woman above. They want to live a life that reflects who they are and are aware of danger signs of suppressed feelings. He says, “Self-healing begins with an awareness of what we are feeling. To know our feelings without editing or qualifying, without classifying them as good or bad.”

Kavanaugh says, if our image of ourselves refuses us the right to be angry or even unpleasant, our own kindness will probably kill us. Or if our self-image prevents us from being gentle and soft and even afraid, we will wall ourselves off from the world in a private tomb.” “…corroded feelings are the great murderers,” says Kavanaugh. He just says we should be aware of our feelings and that “Search” can teach us to grow up and take responsibility for our present feelings, to “get rid of the ghosts.”

Dependence and Interdependence (Chapter 2)

This section of the book I underlined over and over. On the subject of dependency, I underlined this: “Many of us are thrown back upon ourselves through a ruptured relationship, a job loss, or poor health. The child in us begs for someone to take the pain away.” “…the dependent child can be a killer!”

He goes on and I underlined this as well: “A solid friendship or committed love is an interdependency wherein we meet one another’s needs. That’s what life is all about. Total independence can b a mask for one who fears any dependence and intimacy. We need each other. We need to reach out, to share the burden of living, to find the helping hand when we are lost and alone.”

Meeting Our Own Needs (Chapter 3)

“Search” continually talks about the “long game”,” about imagining our life a year from now, if we do not take responsibility to meet our own needs. God or an inner spirit speaks to us through our needs.” He makes the point that if you ignore your needs for a lifetime you will end up alone or lonely.

I really liked Kavanaugh’s poetry which is interlaced throughout the book. Here is a bit from the poem, “Personal Freedom.”

“ Stand back from life and observe it at a distance.
What makes sense and what imprisonment?
Who knows consistent freedom and who follows a path
Made by ants following ants in proscribed procession?
I have no idea where I must live or how,
No blueprint made in Japan or heaven,
Only heart and mind that know what is true and false,
And what it is to feel the pulse of freedom,
Without which, for me, there is only a premature death.”

Indecision

When it comes to mental health and indecision. He says, “We can decide to communicate honestly no matter the cost, to begin to be who we are to the extent that we can. There is no deadline, no rule of thumb the covers everyone. Many of us have been taught so intensively to think of others that it takes us years to respond to ourselves.”

Then when people live life under others heal he has this to say, “When we have been put down enough or have suffered enough personal degradation, our anger can be an important ally to rescue us. Often we forget that anger is a powerful part of our emotional makeup and it can save us from self-annihilation. When summoned, anger often enables us to respect who we are and becomes a significant source of self-love.”

Here is a summary of what he is saying about decisions: prolonged indecision can lead to serious illness, decisions follow from unmet needs and practical options, a bad decision is often better than no decision and play the long game. All of these are good to remember.

Loneliness

Personally, I enjoy solitude. I am rarely lonely which is a good thing because I spend most of my time alone. Kavanaugh says, “Loneliness can almost devour the sensitive and aware and cause a deep-rooted fear of abandonment and a diminished sense of self-worth.” He says of single people that, “The freedom they chose becomes another kind of prison.”

I think he makes too much of it. He talks about people exploring meaningless relationships but are still alone. I say enjoy your solitude. It is a precious gift.

Support Systems

One of the key parts of this book is when he discusses support systems. He says and I agree, that, “…the essence of a support system is to establish genuine and solid strength within oneself.” This is so important. If I did not have this strength I would not have made it this far.

Beginning again, say after a divorce or even a breakup is difficult. I like his poem about it:

I cannot begin again
To study the veins of granite rocks
And explore the anxiety of clouds
To relearn the secrets of the trees
And see the shadows of mountains.
There are too may forms already seen,
Too many sounds heard too often,
Too many dreams etched in my memory like water scarring ancient foundations.

This is not all of the poem. You need to find the book and read it. If you can’t find the book, let me know and I will give you the rest of it in one of these posts.