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Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Seventy-Three

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Arthur Brooks has written a book that not only includes useful advice but I really like the cover which includes mountains and someone (I imagine it is me) standing on top of one.

What better backdrop to a book entitled “Build The Life You Want.” With the mountains on the cover he didn’t even need a subtitle.

Happier

Brooks is a “happiness” researcher. He knows all about it and says although you can’t “be happy” you can be “happier.” That’s good. Brooks says everyone thinks the can be happy but their circumstances are keeping them stuck in unhappiness.

He goes to say happiness is not a destination but rather a direction. He says, “You can get happier, even if you have problems. You can even get happier in some cases because you have problems.” I like that a lot.

What is it?

First Brooks discusses what Epictetus, Stoic philosopher thought about happiness or its definition. He said he “believed happine ss comes from fining life’s purpose, accepting one’s fate and behaving morally regardless of personal cost.”

In nutrition experts talk about macronutrients and micronutrients. Well, Brooks says there are three macronutrients that you need in abundance in your life: enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose. And points out that all three have some “unhappiness” in them. For example satisfaction requires sacrifice. “…when we are sad or angry about something, we may be more likely to fix it.”Then he gives you a test of sorts where you determine “your unique mix of happiness and unhappiness.” Then he labels you a cheerleader, a mad scientist, a judge or a poet. Read the book and find out what you are!

And So

To much good feeling is sometimes not so good because you don’t see a threat. It is better to have a mix. Brooks says, “The secret to the best life is to accept your unhappiness (so you can learned grow) and manage the feelings that result.” Oprah says, “Feel the feel then take the wheel.”

What you need is metacognition. An example is counting to ten when your angry. The folks at Heroic would call this reactive discipline. Brooks says it gives your prefrontal cortex time to catch up to your limbic system. Take thirty seconds to imagine what the consequences will be if you day what you are thinking of saying.

Tools

If you can’t change things change how you are experiencing them. If you ruminate, blame yourself, take drugs or alcohol it is not productive. Those things can make everything worse. Like Jordan B. Peterson is fond of saying, “No matter how bad things are you can always make them worse.” So how do you handle it? Metacognition!

I think the author says it better than I can paraphrase: “Metacognition offers a better, healthier, and more permanent solution. Consider the emotions that your circumstances are stimulating in you. Observe them as if they’re happening to someone else, and accept them. Write them down to make sure they are completely conscious. Then consider how you can choose reactions not based on your negative emotions, but rather based on the outcomes you prefer in your life.”

There is an entire section on happiness at work and a chapter in faith and mindfulness. He finally urges you to teach what you learned from the book and this short piece is my attempt to do that.

Bookish Weapon Number Seventy-Two

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Undisclosed is a novel by Steve Alten described on the back cover as “fraction,” instead of fiction. That is because it is all about UFOs or what they now call UAPs. It was a fun read. I normally would not discuss a novel here, but thought this might be fun considering my hiking adventure in August.

According to this book they have been reverse engineering the UAPs for some time and it is just a great big conspiracy.

50 years

Towards the beginning of the book it is discussing a congressional testimony and says, “These objects have landed on terra firma; some have been disabled and retrieved by teams within the United States. Extraterrestrial life forms have been retrieved and their vehicles have been taken and studied thoroughly for the last 50 years.”

That sounds to me almost like recent real live congressional hearings o the subject.

Subterranean Complex

One of the characters in the book finds herself at a secret location where they keep the UAPs or at least one. They all use “hoverboards” to get around. People are cleared or not for something called “Cosmic Clearance.” They get to see the good stuff.

Do you think all UFOs are drones? In this book they call them ARVs and they are “ours.” Maybe reverse engineered.

This is a novel of course so the plot continues to take you on a little Sci Fi trip. It even imagines a future where we are just one big happy family.

Bookish Weapon Number Seventy-Two

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This book’s subtitle is presented as a “Practical Guide” to face your darkness, end self-sabotage and find freedom. Sounds like a real bookish weapon to me, but then I am bias about bookish weapons.

Connor Beaton’s book makes you think. A lot. So much so he encourages you to get involved with a mens group so you can think about the tops together. After all there is strength in numbers and you are going to need a lot of strength to get through this one.

What Kind of Men?

The men who Connor says need this the most are men that has been abused, abused others, or who are hurting or have been hurt. A man that has hurt others or is hurting others. That covers it.

“A man that avoids his pain is a man that is enslaved by it,” say Beaton. Men are taught to suck it up, stuff it down, pour whiskey on it. Rinse and repeat.

Pain

“Most men simply haven’t been taught how to deal with their pain and use it to become something better,” says Beaton. “In fact, I began to see that not only have most men not been given the tools and resources to deal with the pain and suffering in their lives, but we as men are actively taught the opposite – the idiotic tactic of constant emotional avoidance. Not only this but our emotional avoidance is seen as a theoretical and rational strength in certain circles.” You get the general slant to the book. He says it is for men who wish to integrate their darkness so they are not so controlled by it.

He discusses how to integrate your “shadow.” Phil Stutz has spoken a lot about the shadow so some of you may be familiar with the term. It is the dark side. So this book helps you “to face your shadow and own all you have neglected, ignored and avoided.” Sounds like a big order, but Beaton says there are two pillars to man’s work, “a magnetic pull towards freedom, and the deep yearning to lead ourselves effectively, with passion, respect and fulfillment.” Then he says, “The shadow, especially within the male culture, has become a storehouse of repressed, hidden, and rejected pain.”

One Rule

Beaton refers to the “one rule of men” which is, “Don’t talk about what it’s like to be a man that is struggling.” Stuff it.Suck it up.

For some reason I have not experienced what he is talking about. I tell everybody my problems. That is my shortcoming.

Isolation

This is my other shortcoming. Beaton says, “Isolation makes a man impotent.” Well, that explains a lot for me! He goes on to say isolation creates hopeless and controlling men. He says that “…the inevitable impact of isolation is the amplification of pre-existing conditions, behaviors, thought patterns, emotions, and fears.” And, “When you isolate, you are left with nothing but your thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and coping mechanisms – letting them spin outing larger, more robust, and more concrete illusions. Anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, and the coping mechanisms used to deal with these experiences are all amplified when you isolate from others or attempt to mask your own truth or desires.”

Isolation is built to either protect or punish says Beaton. A lot to think about.

The Father and Mother

I could rewrite the book, but let me just say that your mother and father have a lot to do with who you are now. Of course many men have processed this and at least understand it. If you read this section of the book you will most likely learn more than you thought you knew.

The “big ideas,” as Brian Johnson likes to discuss in his Philosopher Notes are asking yourself questions about how your father showed up in your life or not. Also, his pain. Then Beaton asks a lot of questions about your pain and how to turn your pain into purpose. The next idea that is discussed is the “shadow of the mother.” For example, Beaton says, “ A man who had a good experience with his mother, maybe too good, can become very effeminate in nature, be preyed upon or taken advantage of by women, and will usually struggle to cope with or want to face the hardships of life. These men are prone to reflecting and thinking about life so much that they struggle to live it fully.”

Your Anger

Beaton says to embrace it. This is a good discussion of how men relate to their anger. I personally am working on getting better at Reactive Discipline which is giving something some time before reacting. Beaton says, “Your activity is a neon sign pointing toward your shadow.” “Defensiveness, passive-aggression, feeling hopeless, shutting down, or aggressively criticizing are all examples of reactivity.”

So get a grip on your anger guys!

One Last Thing

I have spent a good deal of my life in personal development so when I read the following it got my attention:

“The hidden truth about your personal development, or personal growth, is that it is equally a practice in personal death.” If you want to read more of this sort of thing get the book and read it.

Bookish Weapon Number Seventy-One

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David Goggin’s new book Never Finished is a real bookish weapon! His mindset is outstanding and his ability to withstand pain is unmatched. If you read his first book, “Can’t Hurt Me,” you will have a good sense of what this new book is about, but it surprised me a bit.

Goggins tells how he took endurance and the never give up mindset to a new level. I can’t imagine anyone who would not be inspired by this man’s ability to keep going.

Your Past

Goggins had a horrible childhood, but he eventually overcame that to become a Navy SEAL and then later an endurance athlete. He asks others with difficult pasts to step up, He asks, “How long will you allow your past to hold you back before you finally take control of your future?”

Many of us have faced difficult times. Goggins says, “It is so easy to get lost in the fog of life. Tragedy hunts us all, and any event that causes suffering will linger longer than it should if you let it. Because our sad stories enable us to grade ourselves on a forgiving curve. They give us latitude and justification to stay lazy, weak-minded m******s, and the longer it takes for us to process thsa pan, the harder it is to reclaim our lives.” Now that’s a wake up cal some of us need!

Step Up – The Clock is Ticking

We only have so much time. As Goggin’s says, “…there is a drop-dead time on everything we do in life. All our dreams and visions come with expiration dates etched in invisible ink.”

Some of us are reminded of our death all the time after we get to a certain age. It is popular these days to tell young people to remind themselves to create urgency. Older people are reminded wether they want to be or not. Goggins has been reminded a lot. Once he had to have his heart shocked back to working order. There is a picture of him lying in a hospital bed waiting for the paddles.

Journaling

In my book “Attacking Adversity,” journaling is one of the key strategies I recommend. It helped get me through a very tough time. Goggins says there is another level to journaling. He recommends you make audio recordings and then listen back. He says they have a “more profound effect on the mind.” It is something I may try.

He is not saying to just record your daily thoughts, but rather your deepest trauma. Canyou imagine that? Goggins claims thst, “With each subsequent listen, you will claim more sindmoer power and gain enough transformational energy to change your life.”

Our Mental Lab

Goggins says we all have a Mental Lab where we can recreate ourselves. He says, “If you don’t feel like you are good enough, if your life lacks meaning and time feels like it’s slipping through your fingers, there is only one option. Recreate yourself in your own Mental Lab. Somewhere you can be alone with your thoughts and wrestle with the substance of what and who you wasn’t to be in your one short life earth.” David crested “Goggins.”

He describes a race called the Moab 240. Yes that is a 240 mile race. Then he also discusses the Leadville Trail 100 which has an elevation gain of 15,000 feet or more. That caught my attention since typically I hike 6-10K and it wipes me out.

Get the Book

There is so much on mindset in this book I could never do it justice here, but get it and read the whole thing. You will be glad you did.

You will also read about all the injuries David suffered and how he bounced back. Those stories by themselves are worth the read.

Bookish Weapon Number 69

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Cameron Hanes runs up mountains to train himself to be the best bowhunter in the world. He likes to hunt far away from the typical hunting grounds in places that are hard to reach unless you’re in his kind of physical shape.

His book “Endure” captures his story which is a great one and one that continues. I was drawn to the title, because I though my word for this year was “endure.” There was one other box with the same name, but Cam’s subtitle included the words “keep hammering” and that spoke to me.

Focus

The thing that stood out for me right away was the intense focus this man has put on one thing, hunting. Maybe two. Hunting and training to hunt.

To some, running 100 mile races might seem over the top, but not for Hanes. He knows they give him the edge he needs to be a successful hunter year after year. It all provides meaning and purpose to his life.

Learn From Cameron

There are lots of excellent lessons in this book like how not to let your critics get to you. How to learn from others and how to “burst through the bonds of low expectations.”

He stresses the importance of believing in yourself and being obsessed with improvement. He thinks that obsession in successful people is not because they think they are great, but because they really think they are not that great at all and need to improve!

Get Used to Being Uncomfortable

This book is about what I have learned to be expansive discipline which is putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. They induce growth. Cam says that “My good friend Misery and I have become real close over the years.

Now remember this not about being yourself up for the sake of beating yourself up. Hanes has a purpose and a mission. Getting used to being uncomfortable helps him hit the mark time and time again.

Greatness

Cameron Hanes believes in you and me. He says, “The good news is I believe each and every one of us is capable of greatness in something. He continues, by saying, “Your bowhunting is out there. I promise. It will open doors for yours well. But be warned: when you become obsessed, it takes over your life. This obsessive approach works for me.”

What’s it going to take. You might have guessed it. Hard work or as Cam says, “…damn hard work.”

Your Body

Frankly I can’t say it better than Cameron Hanes, “Your body gives what you ask of it. Don’t ask much and it won’t give you much. Ask a lot and it will give you a lot. I haven’t found my limit yet, but I am trying.”
This book is very inspirational especially for those who want to strengthen themselves. He talks about putting his body through the wringer. However, he might disagree with me when I say you do need some rest from time to time. Even then your main focus must be to “keep hammering!”

Bookish Weapon Number Sixty-Eight

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Daniel H. Pink has written a book called, “The Power of Regret.” If you are like me, I bet you didn’t think there was anything good about regret. I think we are right if regret is isolated.

Pink argues that you can use regret to make your future and present life better. That made sense to me. Frank Sinatra acknowledged regret in “My Way,” He sang that he had a few, but they didn’t seem to bother him much. Maybe he knew what Pink has discovered.

Studies

For those of you who are data lovers, Pink has more than enough studies and experiments to satisfy you.

One I thought was particularly interesting had to do with Optimizers and Satisfiers. Researchers fund that people who maximized for everything were less happy and had significantly more depression that the ones that satisfied themselves. An optimizer had to have the very best choice. The satisfiers were just that. The maximizers had more sensitivity to regret.

Foundation Regrets

Pink tells us there are four primary types of regrets and the first one is foundation regret. These are major regrets. Not making good financial decisions. For example, not saving enough for retirement which is just overspending and under saving.

It could be in the realm of education. Maybe you don’t go for the advanced degree or you left school early. It could also involve your health. Maybe you haven’t taken are of yourself.

Boldness Regrets

These are the chances we never took. Pink says, “What haunts us is the inaction itself.” You had a chance to travel the world, but you turned it down. Maybe you didn’t even enter that contest. You know, the one that could have shined a light on your talent.

One of my own regrets in this area was not taking a promotion early in my sales career. It involved moving to another state and I convinced myself it was better for my family if I said no.

Moral Regrets

You cheated on your spouse. You cheated on a test. As Pink says, …”the realm in which they occur…is less significant than the act itself.

The other thing we do is rationalize these moral infractions so we don’t always notice them right away. It might be years later before they grab us around the neck.

Connection Regrets

Pink says, “Our actions give our lives direction. But other people give those lives purpose. A massive number of human regrets stem from our failure to recognize and honor this principle.

Personally, I can include divorce here. Maybe you just never pursued the woman you really loved. I suppose the could be a boldness regret, but connection as well.

Regret Optimization Framework

As I mentioned above Pink’s book helps you use regret to get better. This framework helps you do that. Pink explains, “The Regret Optimization Framework holds that we should devote time and effort to anticipate the four core regrets: foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets. But anticipating regrets outside these four categories is usually not worthwhile.” (Boldness mine)

So ask yourself if you are dealing with one of the big four. If you are not then “satisfice.”This is the word Pink uses to describer the actions of satisfiers mentioned above.

Get the book for all the other goodness!