Arthur Brooks has written a book that not only includes useful advice but I really like the cover which includes mountains and someone (I imagine it is me) standing on top of one.
What better backdrop to a book entitled “Build The Life You Want.” With the mountains on the cover he didn’t even need a subtitle.
Happier
Brooks is a “happiness” researcher. He knows all about it and says although you can’t “be happy” you can be “happier.” That’s good. Brooks says everyone thinks the can be happy but their circumstances are keeping them stuck in unhappiness.
He goes to say happiness is not a destination but rather a direction. He says, “You can get happier, even if you have problems. You can even get happier in some cases because you have problems.” I like that a lot.
What is it?
First Brooks discusses what Epictetus, Stoic philosopher thought about happiness or its definition. He said he “believed happine ss comes from fining life’s purpose, accepting one’s fate and behaving morally regardless of personal cost.”
In nutrition experts talk about macronutrients and micronutrients. Well, Brooks says there are three macronutrients that you need in abundance in your life: enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose. And points out that all three have some “unhappiness” in them. For example satisfaction requires sacrifice. “…when we are sad or angry about something, we may be more likely to fix it.”Then he gives you a test of sorts where you determine “your unique mix of happiness and unhappiness.” Then he labels you a cheerleader, a mad scientist, a judge or a poet. Read the book and find out what you are!
And So
To much good feeling is sometimes not so good because you don’t see a threat. It is better to have a mix. Brooks says, “The secret to the best life is to accept your unhappiness (so you can learned grow) and manage the feelings that result.” Oprah says, “Feel the feel then take the wheel.”
What you need is metacognition. An example is counting to ten when your angry. The folks at Heroic would call this reactive discipline. Brooks says it gives your prefrontal cortex time to catch up to your limbic system. Take thirty seconds to imagine what the consequences will be if you day what you are thinking of saying.
Tools
If you can’t change things change how you are experiencing them. If you ruminate, blame yourself, take drugs or alcohol it is not productive. Those things can make everything worse. Like Jordan B. Peterson is fond of saying, “No matter how bad things are you can always make them worse.” So how do you handle it? Metacognition!
I think the author says it better than I can paraphrase: “Metacognition offers a better, healthier, and more permanent solution. Consider the emotions that your circumstances are stimulating in you. Observe them as if they’re happening to someone else, and accept them. Write them down to make sure they are completely conscious. Then consider how you can choose reactions not based on your negative emotions, but rather based on the outcomes you prefer in your life.”
There is an entire section on happiness at work and a chapter in faith and mindfulness. He finally urges you to teach what you learned from the book and this short piece is my attempt to do that.
