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Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Sixty-Eight

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Daniel H. Pink has written a book called, “The Power of Regret.” If you are like me, I bet you didn’t think there was anything good about regret. I think we are right if regret is isolated.

Pink argues that you can use regret to make your future and present life better. That made sense to me. Frank Sinatra acknowledged regret in “My Way,” He sang that he had a few, but they didn’t seem to bother him much. Maybe he knew what Pink has discovered.

Studies

For those of you who are data lovers, Pink has more than enough studies and experiments to satisfy you.

One I thought was particularly interesting had to do with Optimizers and Satisfiers. Researchers fund that people who maximized for everything were less happy and had significantly more depression that the ones that satisfied themselves. An optimizer had to have the very best choice. The satisfiers were just that. The maximizers had more sensitivity to regret.

Foundation Regrets

Pink tells us there are four primary types of regrets and the first one is foundation regret. These are major regrets. Not making good financial decisions. For example, not saving enough for retirement which is just overspending and under saving.

It could be in the realm of education. Maybe you don’t go for the advanced degree or you left school early. It could also involve your health. Maybe you haven’t taken are of yourself.

Boldness Regrets

These are the chances we never took. Pink says, “What haunts us is the inaction itself.” You had a chance to travel the world, but you turned it down. Maybe you didn’t even enter that contest. You know, the one that could have shined a light on your talent.

One of my own regrets in this area was not taking a promotion early in my sales career. It involved moving to another state and I convinced myself it was better for my family if I said no.

Moral Regrets

You cheated on your spouse. You cheated on a test. As Pink says, …”the realm in which they occur…is less significant than the act itself.

The other thing we do is rationalize these moral infractions so we don’t always notice them right away. It might be years later before they grab us around the neck.

Connection Regrets

Pink says, “Our actions give our lives direction. But other people give those lives purpose. A massive number of human regrets stem from our failure to recognize and honor this principle.

Personally, I can include divorce here. Maybe you just never pursued the woman you really loved. I suppose the could be a boldness regret, but connection as well.

Regret Optimization Framework

As I mentioned above Pink’s book helps you use regret to get better. This framework helps you do that. Pink explains, “The Regret Optimization Framework holds that we should devote time and effort to anticipate the four core regrets: foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets. But anticipating regrets outside these four categories is usually not worthwhile.” (Boldness mine)

So ask yourself if you are dealing with one of the big four. If you are not then “satisfice.”This is the word Pink uses to describer the actions of satisfiers mentioned above.

Get the book for all the other goodness!

Bookish Weapon Number Sixty-Seven

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“Hero On A Mission,” is one of the better books I have re-read recently again and it was just published this year. It is a book about purpose and story. Your and my story!

Did you know you were involved in a story? Has your story lost your interest? These are questions the author asks of us and he gives excellent advice.

Our Stories

On a page even before the introduction Miller states, “I don’t think any of us should trust fate to write the story of our lives. Fate is a terrible writer.

We are all in stories and they have characters in them just like all stories. There is the victim, the villain, the hero and the guide. Do you recognize any of these in your life?

Control

In self help books you can read a lot about how you should focus on what you can control and ignore the rest. So how much can you control? Miller makes the argument that “…a human being has a ridiculous amount of personal agency. A person’s reaction to a set of circumstances dramatically affects how their story plays out.”

He goes on and says, “The character who becomes the victim believes they are helpless and acts out of that belief. The character who becomes the hero accepts their agency and rises up against their circumstances.” How does this speak to your life?

Accomplish Something Important

Miller says that what we all need to do is “…throw yourself into a story in which you try to accomplish something important.”

He goes on to say, “If we don’t want something, face our challenges, and try hard things, our life stories don’t work either.” You can just “dream up” a story for yourself and live “like a hero on a mission.” Miller says you have to sit and think about everything you have overcome in your life to realize your strength.

Want Something

The author says we need to want something! He says many have killed their desire and any story needs to be about a character who wants something.

He says, “When you define specific destination for your life, your story will begin to take shape and you’ll become more interested in your own life.” “Discipline is a good bit easier to come by if you have narrative traction in your life.” So he asks, “What is the thing you just have to do?

What If

I loved this little exercise. He says to ask yourself, “What if?” Simple, right? What if I sold everything and moved to Portugal? What if I quit my job? He says “what if” leads to adventure.

He uses what if questions when he writes books and gets stuck, but he says, “Asking What if can drive incredible change in your life and give you a terrific reason to get out of bed in the morning.”

Narrative

Miller says “narrative traction” is “the feeling that our personal story is so interesting we can’t turn away.” You could even join an existing mission!

Questions to ask yourself once you start to build your life plan include: “What will you build? What story will you join? What could your life look like one year, five years, and ten years from now?

So that’s the first half of the book. The second half is how to set up a plan for your life. Get the book and read it! There is so much more to learn!

Bookish Weapon Number Sixty-Two

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Scott Glassman wrote a book in 2013 called “A Happier You,” which is what I am going to summarize for you today. Recently, he wrote a new book, but I have not read it yet so I won’t comment.

“A Happier You,” is a step by step guide for becoming happier. It is a program really, which includes exercise you do every week. The question is how many people will take the time to do the exercises. Here are some of the highlights of the book.

Seven Weeks

The book is divided into seven weeks which include the following, catching positive events, exploring successes and personal strengths, cultivating gratitude, finding laughter and playfulness, fueling life with enjoyable and meaningful activities, reveling the springs of kindness and expanding the boundaries of love.

The author recommends that you not only do the exercises but do them several times per week. So this may be a book you want to read several times to get the full effect and to be sure to get your quota of exercises done.

Mountains

One of the things I liked was his use of mountains to explain concepts. He talks about listing “mountains” conquered during your week. It could include all your positive accomplishments or just major ones.

Then he says to ask yourself, “How do the smallest mountains I conquered this week move me closer to achieving my larger goals in life?”

Gratitude

Gratitude is a big part of feeling happier. I was not surprised when he included it. Every morning I write seven things down that I am grateful for including something that was bad but that had a silver lining.

The unique thing about how Glassman approaches this are the exercises. For example, he has you list common things you do every day and then gives you questions to ask that make them better. One question is, “How can I see this activity in my life as a gift?” Another great one is asking, “Is this something that would have been possible a hundred yeas ago? If not, how does that effect how much I appreciate it now?”

Meaning

Finding more meaning in your life should make you happier so the author spends some time helping you find it. Where? In new activities maybe. Or finding the meaning in existing activities.

Another part of this discussion includes values and the importance of fueling your activities by using values. You value fitness and health so you go hiking!

As usual there is a lot more in this book and I recommend you get it.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Eight

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No other book I have read in the last couple of years has kept the fire burning within me like this one. Discipline Equals Freedom, by Jocko Willink is exceptional. The current “Expanded” edition includes even more Jocko wisdom.

For a few seconds, I thought I may have reviewed the first book, but then I decided it didn’t make any difference because this is the expanded version and I will focus on what was added.

The Way

Before I get into the added material something needs to be said about the overall book. It is Jocko Willink’s defense of his belief that discipline equals freedom. Just like the Tao, Jocko titles one section, “The Way of Discipline.”

There is no shortcut or “hack” says Jocko. Not in this book. He assumes that if you bought his book you want to be “stronger, smarter, faster healthier and better.” He stresses that to achieve these things there is no easy way and he defines discipline as being “the root of all good qualities.” Here is exactly how he puts it:

“Discipline: the root of all good qualities. The driver of daily execution. The core principle that overcomes laziness and lethargy and excuses. Discipline defeats the infinite excuses that say: Not today, not now, I need a rest, I will do it tomorrow.”

The Binary Code

Jocko introduces the binary code in this expanded edition. He says “machines make their decisions based on binary code. Yes or no. So if you ask yourself if you are going to work out the answer is either yes or no. Are you going to eat that donut? Yes or no.

This way of thinking makes every decision much simpler or as Jocko says, “It’s not complicated.”

Detachment

We hear a lot about this these days and Jocko says, “One of the most powerful things you can do as a human being is detach. Detach from your ego. Detach from your emotions. Detach from your perspective. Detach from yourself.”

Then he goes on to describe how to do that. “Take a step back. Physically change your respective by stepping back. Put your hands at your sides. Lift your chin just a little bit. This opens your airway and forces you into a slightly vulnerable physical posture…” Take some deep breaths and listen.

Self Sabotage

He says people talk about how they self-sabotage because they are afraid to win but he says they are afraid to work. That they are lazy!

“Don’t be lazy,” he says.

Doesn’t Matter

People ask him how he is doing and he says fine or good, but according to him, it doesn’t matter how he is doing, because he is going to do what he is supposed to do.

He says that is the real truth. It only matters that he is doing what he is supposed to do.

Happiness

I can remember listening to Dr. Lara Schlesinger, a talk show host that answered calls from listeners and gave advice. She would tell them that happiness didn’t matter and that all the mattered was whether or not you were useful.

Jocko takes a similar stance by saying not to do what makes you happy but to do what makes you better. “Do what challenges you. Do what pushes you. Do what sets you up for long-term strategic success.”

Internal Thoughts and Dialogue

When I hike I repeat mantras to myself. They help me to get to the top of a mountain especially if I am struggling that day. For example, “I am powerful. I am strong. I can do this all day long.”

Jocko disagrees. He says that he thinks about nothing. “In fact: I shut my mind down and do what I am supposed to do.” He says to “turn off your brain and let your body function independently.” That would be very hard for me. It is the one thing in his book that I would struggle to accomplish. Turning my mind off is very difficult.

There is so much more in this book. Please buy it and read it for yourself.