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Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Fifty-One

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My father was a serial entrepreneur. He owned at least six businesses that I know about during his lifetime. This is the ultimate entrepreneur’s book. “Built to Serve,” by Evan Carmichael is for those that want to find their purpose and become the leader they were born to be according to the subtitle. I would say that it delvers.

If you want to have your own business and use the Internet (especially Youtube) to generate business Evan is your guy.

Purpose

Before you can serve anyone you need to know your purpose. Evan presents you with excellent questions to ask yourself. He says your purpose is your “source of power.” He takes you through a process to discover your purpose.

You discover the who, the why and the how. First is your who. Who are you? Then you discover your why. Why do you want to do this? Finally, how are you gong to do it.

Your Who

Evan says that your “Who” is the starting point for everything. You start by figuring out what makes you happy. He gives you an excellent exercise for discovering this but he has also written another book called “Your One Word,” that he says will help even more.

In Built to Serve he presents you with five questions to help you discover your who.

Who was your favorite teacher growing up?
What is your favorite movie of all time?
What do you love most about how your parents raised you?
Which successful person do you look up to and why?
What lessons do you want your kids to have?

So once you have discovered your who and your core value, what then?

Your Why

Your why equals your purpose. It comes from your pain. I thought this was very enlightening. He says the way you turn the pain into something good “…is to turn that negative situation into a life-changing gift for yourself and others, to live a service life instead of a surface life, to give yourself a powerful reason to wake up in the morning and work on building something better for yourself and the people around you.” He says, “Your job is to face the pain, eat it, grow from it, and then create positivity and oxygen for others around you.”

Here is the difficulty which he attempts to answer and that is if you are still moored in the pain and have not yet overcome it then what good are you to someone else? He says, …”just the fact that you’re out there trying is an inspiration to others, and you also know more than you did when you started.”

Your How

You need to know how you saved yourself. Now if you haven’t done that then get busy. So you ask yourself, when did you decide something had to change? What is the first thing you did to start the change? Then How did you sustain the momentum? That is your recipe for success he says.

Your how is your passion. It is the work that you love. Evan says when you combine your Who with your Why with doing the work you love it is a hone run.

So don’t delay go get this book. It is one of the few books I have read that really could change your life if you are the right kind of person. Even if you don’t want to start a company it has some great insights about life in general. If fact, I would suggest you get it and read it twice.

Bookish Weapon Number Fifty

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There are lots of books that urge you to put the phone down and get off of social media. Eldridge does that in this book, but it is much more than that. Eldredge writes for Christians or those that are intrigued by Christianity, However, there are ideas in this book for everyone.

Distraction is the currency of this time. Focus or relaxation is hard to come in today’s world. It takes conscious effort. John Eldredge helps us in his book, “Get Your Life Back.”

Questions

Eldredge asks us to score our soul by answering the following questions:

Are you happy most of the time?
How often do you feel lighthearted?
Are you excited about your future?
Do you feel deeply loved?
When was the last time you felt carefree?

All good questions. If you did nothing but sit down and answer these you would get a lot out of the book.

One Minute Pause

In this book, Eldredge introduces the One Minute Pause. He has an App that gives you a choice of one, five, or ten minutes to pause. He suggests you do it twice a day. I use the ten-minute version once a day myself and love it.

He says, “The one minute pause can be used in many ways: for prayer or silence, to find your heart again, or to enjoy a moment of beauty.” Think about this. Taking one, five, or ten minutes once or twice a day to calm yourself can make a huge difference in your life.

Detachment

You have probably at least read about detachment. Buddhist Monks discuss the importance of detachment, but I was a little surprised that a Christian writer would tout its benefits. However, Eldredge adds a qualifier. He calls it “Benevolent Detachment.” The benevolent part means kindness he says. So we detach from what is burdening us without being unkind to others. So no “cynicism or resignation.” As Eldredge says, it is “something done in love.”

Eldredge goes on to discuss how God calls us to a carefree life. He sites a book I have reviewed here called, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,” in which the author makes the case that you “can’t care about everything all the time.”

Drinking Beauty

This is the title of one of his chapters. I love it because he talks about nature. Eldredge is a fisherman and a game hunter who does a lot of hiking and climbing too I believe. Nature offers beauty to everyone.

St Augustine described it as “a plank in the waves of the sea.” “Beauty rescues,” says Eldredge. I was so happy to read this because it validates what I knew to be true by spending so much time hiking myself.

As usual, there is so much more in the book. A chapter on being kind to yourself and a chapter on spending time outdoors! So buy it! Read it!!

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Nine

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Rethinking Positive Thinking

Have you ever had to rethink anything? What about something like gravity? Something that you just don’t think requires any rethinking. This book is like that. Who could imagine that positive thinking would invite any rethinking?

“Rethinking Positive Thinking,” by Gabriele Oettingen gets your attention. The subtitle is “Inside the New Science of Motivation.” Who doesn’t want to know about that? The question is what needs to be rethought? The author discusses the “cult of optimism” and how it is everywhere. The book was written in 2014. She sites “The Secret” and “Chicken Soup for The Soul,” and says that the idea that all we have to do is imagine what we want and it will magically appear leaves a lot to be desired.

Studies

Study after study after study. That is the first part of this book. The author and her compatriots used students in experiment after experiment to prove their ideas. They did studies with people of other age groups as well. She says she spent twenty years doing this research. So if you are someone who needs to see the proof, it is here.

There is a study involving women and their shoes. I thought that was an interesting one. Actually, there were a couple of them.

WOOP

All the studies ultimately resulted in a useful tool for you and me. The acronym is WOOP and it stands for Wish, Obstacles Outcome, and Plan. Simple and powerful and it is why Brian Johnson at the Optimize Me group picked it as one of the three best books of that genre.

Dreaming about pleasant outcomes isn’t enough, but it does lower your blood pressure. I bet you didn’t know that. So next time you think your blood pressure might be rising just think about winning the lottery.

Wish and Outcome

The first thing to get on paper is your wish. Your goal. Your vision. Get it down in detail. Maybe as Hal Elrod suggests do a ten-year vision for each area of your life. With the WOOP process you “disengage from wishes that aren’t practical.” Focus only on realistic goals!

Why is the outcome you want? It might be easier if you think of the outcome as the benefits you will receive if you attain your wish. Think about these in detail. Include all your senses or as many as possible. Feel the sand between your toes if your wish is to walk a Hawaiian beach.

Obstacle and Plan

Now here is where all the studies paid off. After you have your wish all settled you need to focus on the obstacle or obstacles you will be facing. You need to focus on the negative present reality along with the fantasy of the big wish. The author stresses that it is important to focus on internal obstacles and not the external ones. Do that in the right way and Boom, success. Well, almost.

You do need one more thing. A plan. How are you going to get from point A to point B? What can you do to overcome your first obstacle? She calls this the “If, then” plan. Say to yourself if X (the obstacle) occurs you will do Y (overcome the obstacle). I would also add the importance of changing strategies if you get feedback that your plan is not working then adjust your strategy.

The App

Yes, there is an App for WOOP. They have one for students and adults. This is smart. More of these books should have Apps that help people through a new process.

You can find the APP at woopmylofe.org. But I say buy the book too!! There is a lot more in it. Not just studies.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Eight

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No other book I have read in the last couple of years has kept the fire burning within me like this one. Discipline Equals Freedom, by Jocko Willink is exceptional. The current “Expanded” edition includes even more Jocko wisdom.

For a few seconds, I thought I may have reviewed the first book, but then I decided it didn’t make any difference because this is the expanded version and I will focus on what was added.

The Way

Before I get into the added material something needs to be said about the overall book. It is Jocko Willink’s defense of his belief that discipline equals freedom. Just like the Tao, Jocko titles one section, “The Way of Discipline.”

There is no shortcut or “hack” says Jocko. Not in this book. He assumes that if you bought his book you want to be “stronger, smarter, faster healthier and better.” He stresses that to achieve these things there is no easy way and he defines discipline as being “the root of all good qualities.” Here is exactly how he puts it:

“Discipline: the root of all good qualities. The driver of daily execution. The core principle that overcomes laziness and lethargy and excuses. Discipline defeats the infinite excuses that say: Not today, not now, I need a rest, I will do it tomorrow.”

The Binary Code

Jocko introduces the binary code in this expanded edition. He says “machines make their decisions based on binary code. Yes or no. So if you ask yourself if you are going to work out the answer is either yes or no. Are you going to eat that donut? Yes or no.

This way of thinking makes every decision much simpler or as Jocko says, “It’s not complicated.”

Detachment

We hear a lot about this these days and Jocko says, “One of the most powerful things you can do as a human being is detach. Detach from your ego. Detach from your emotions. Detach from your perspective. Detach from yourself.”

Then he goes on to describe how to do that. “Take a step back. Physically change your respective by stepping back. Put your hands at your sides. Lift your chin just a little bit. This opens your airway and forces you into a slightly vulnerable physical posture…” Take some deep breaths and listen.

Self Sabotage

He says people talk about how they self-sabotage because they are afraid to win but he says they are afraid to work. That they are lazy!

“Don’t be lazy,” he says.

Doesn’t Matter

People ask him how he is doing and he says fine or good, but according to him, it doesn’t matter how he is doing, because he is going to do what he is supposed to do.

He says that is the real truth. It only matters that he is doing what he is supposed to do.

Happiness

I can remember listening to Dr. Lara Schlesinger, a talk show host that answered calls from listeners and gave advice. She would tell them that happiness didn’t matter and that all the mattered was whether or not you were useful.

Jocko takes a similar stance by saying not to do what makes you happy but to do what makes you better. “Do what challenges you. Do what pushes you. Do what sets you up for long-term strategic success.”

Internal Thoughts and Dialogue

When I hike I repeat mantras to myself. They help me to get to the top of a mountain especially if I am struggling that day. For example, “I am powerful. I am strong. I can do this all day long.”

Jocko disagrees. He says that he thinks about nothing. “In fact: I shut my mind down and do what I am supposed to do.” He says to “turn off your brain and let your body function independently.” That would be very hard for me. It is the one thing in his book that I would struggle to accomplish. Turning my mind off is very difficult.

There is so much more in this book. Please buy it and read it for yourself.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Seven

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“My grandma kept cash in her bra,” is the opening line in “Everything is Spiritual,” by Rob Bell. Bell was a Christian pastor of a megachurch until 2012. I am not sure exactly how he sees himself today, but I am sure he has clarified that somewhere but not in this book at least.

He writes in bursts. A regular paragraph like this:

“I picked up on all that muted grief floating in the air between my grandma and dad, and from an early age I just wanted to make them laugh.”

To this:

“That’s what I remember.
I made her laugh.
I made him laugh.
If I could get them laughing so hard they were in tears,
I knew I’d done something.”

Then back to regular paragraphs.

Substance

He discusses tripping over what he calls a “spiritual talk thing” and decided that was what he was going to do with his life. So he retells some of what happened before his church voted him out. In this book, he really doesn’t talk about that. You need to read “Love Wins” to get that full story.

He talks about his dad’s father and how he died young and how that somehow influenced his sense of things. He says, “However solid life may appear, it’s also very fragile.” To be fair he says that on two separate lines. This style does allow him to emphasize things without putting them in italics, yet he does that too. Everything in the book has weight in this way.

More examples

In the following the first line is italicized:

“What do you do with the pain in life?”
“You keep moving, keep accomplishing, keep striving. Whatever you do, don’t be lazy. Don’t appear to be coasting. And whatever happens, stay a step ahead of the pain. Keep it buried. Keep it down.”

That is how he thought he should be living his life based on his childhood. Now he sees things differently. He says, “Through the help of a number of guides over the years, I begin to see a new way to be, one rooted in the enduring truth: There’s nothing to prove.” That’s italicized!

Lots more one-sentence paragraphs. Then he says he is telling us about where he came from and who he came from because we are like him. We all come from people and places.

“Our lives are loaded from the beginning with history and drums and love and wounds and tragedy and hope. I’m mysterious enough myself, let alone the ones I come from, let alone all the people I’m constantly encountering with your own hopes and fears and histories and mysteries, let alone this floating ball of rock we call home that’s hurtling through space at 87,000 miles per hour.”

Now that is some paragraph and it gets even more interesting, but you need to read the book.

Things to Remember

This is the kind of book that is free-floating and talks about a lot for things in a sort of order. Here are some items that stood out for me:

“Curiosity is the antidote to despair.” I agree! He says, “Despair is the spiritual disease of believing that tomorrow will simply be a repeat of today.” “Curiosity whispers to you, You’re just getting started…”

“We need forms. But that’s what they are – dust. Dirt. Earth. It’s the breath that gives it life. That gives us life.” “The invitation is to allow sprit to transform all these forms, so the they become everything they can be, guiding us into the fuller experience of the depths of life.”

He has a revelation while talking to Father Jack: “When we take ourselves too seriously it gets in the way of the thing that we are so seriously trying to do.”

He is telling Father Jack all the things he is doing etc.

After a time he stops me
He’s so kind and so firm
And so fierce

He tells me that I have a gift to give, so I should give it. He says that it is a generous gift that we each give to the world, and we should take good care of ourselves. To give a generous gift, we must be generous with ourselves. And to give generously, we must become very good at receiving generously.”

Finally, Death

“There is death
At the end of life,
But for you to be here
There was death, lots of it, millions and millions of times over,
At the start of your life.

He then discusses death and how a lot of sperm had to die to make you. That and a bunch of other things had to happen for you to exist. You are a miracle!

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Six

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“Think Like A Monk,” was one of those books that I pre-ordered. It was because I had heard the author discuss it on a podcast. Have I confessed yet that I am a podcast junkie almost as much as I am a book junkie? The author, Jay Shetty seems like someone you would like as a friend.

The book is about life from the perspective of someone who has been a Monk and lived to tell about it. Yes, he survived all that meditation and silence. The other thing that makes this book so interesting is that he was an Indian Monk. Not a Catholic Franciscan or a Buddhist Monk. There are lots of books from them.

Values

Early in the book, Shetty spends some time discussing values. He draws some pictures for those that are visual to help make his point.

He says to look at your past values and gives you a little exercise. He says, “Reflect on the three worst choices you’ve ever made. Why did you make them? What have you learned? How would you have done it differently?” I found that exercise to be enlightening and I go back often to look at my notes at the bottom of the page.

He also suggests that you watch where you spend your money because that will tell you a lot about what you value.

Negativity, Fear, and Intention

These are three whole chapters in the book. There is a lot in there so of course, you should read it. One of the best things he discusses is what he calls, “Spot, Stop and Swap.” You spot a negative thought. Stop to understand what it is and then Swap in a new way of processing.

He says he learned to let go of his fear of fear when he was a monk. He goes on to say we fear the wrong things and it causes us to miss opportunities. Shetty tells the story of “Biosphere 2” in Arizona. It was a sealed environment so no wind. The planted trees and the trees eventually just fell over, because normally the rots would go deep and get stronger in response to the wind, but there was no wind. His point is that adversity helps us grow stronger and that we need to get out of our “self-made Biospheres.”

“Intention,” is all about goals. “Fear desire, duty, and love are the roots of all intentions.” When you have a want ask yourself why seven times. I had read this before. Once you get to number seven you have probably found your real why.

Purpose or Dharma

“Dharma is using this natural inclination, the things you’re good at, your thrive mode, to serve others.” Shetty says “Passion + Expertise + Usefulness = Dharma. One of the things he says I really liked was that “My limitations make space for the gifts of other people.”

One approach to this that he suggests is that many should focus on looking “for opportunities to do what you love in the life you already have.”

Failure and Success

Shetty says, “ Humility comes from accepting where you are without seeing it as a reflection of who you are. Then you can use your imagination to find success.” “…soliciting, evaluating, and responding to feedback will increase your confidence and self-awareness.”

“You shouldn’t feel small compared to others, but you should feel small compared to your goals.” I don’t know about you but that inspires me!

Service

The author has a unique way that he explains the importance of service. I don’t think I have ever seen or heard it said with such an impact.

He says that “The highest purpose is to live in service.” He goes on to say, “service connects us, service amplifies our gratitude, service increases compassion and service builds self-esteem.” Well said. He urges us to “serve the pain that you know best.” Finally, “Service is the direct path to a meaning full life.” So there you have it! Think Like A Monk!