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Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Nine

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Rethinking Positive Thinking

Have you ever had to rethink anything? What about something like gravity? Something that you just don’t think requires any rethinking. This book is like that. Who could imagine that positive thinking would invite any rethinking?

“Rethinking Positive Thinking,” by Gabriele Oettingen gets your attention. The subtitle is “Inside the New Science of Motivation.” Who doesn’t want to know about that? The question is what needs to be rethought? The author discusses the “cult of optimism” and how it is everywhere. The book was written in 2014. She sites “The Secret” and “Chicken Soup for The Soul,” and says that the idea that all we have to do is imagine what we want and it will magically appear leaves a lot to be desired.

Studies

Study after study after study. That is the first part of this book. The author and her compatriots used students in experiment after experiment to prove their ideas. They did studies with people of other age groups as well. She says she spent twenty years doing this research. So if you are someone who needs to see the proof, it is here.

There is a study involving women and their shoes. I thought that was an interesting one. Actually, there were a couple of them.

WOOP

All the studies ultimately resulted in a useful tool for you and me. The acronym is WOOP and it stands for Wish, Obstacles Outcome, and Plan. Simple and powerful and it is why Brian Johnson at the Optimize Me group picked it as one of the three best books of that genre.

Dreaming about pleasant outcomes isn’t enough, but it does lower your blood pressure. I bet you didn’t know that. So next time you think your blood pressure might be rising just think about winning the lottery.

Wish and Outcome

The first thing to get on paper is your wish. Your goal. Your vision. Get it down in detail. Maybe as Hal Elrod suggests do a ten-year vision for each area of your life. With the WOOP process you “disengage from wishes that aren’t practical.” Focus only on realistic goals!

Why is the outcome you want? It might be easier if you think of the outcome as the benefits you will receive if you attain your wish. Think about these in detail. Include all your senses or as many as possible. Feel the sand between your toes if your wish is to walk a Hawaiian beach.

Obstacle and Plan

Now here is where all the studies paid off. After you have your wish all settled you need to focus on the obstacle or obstacles you will be facing. You need to focus on the negative present reality along with the fantasy of the big wish. The author stresses that it is important to focus on internal obstacles and not the external ones. Do that in the right way and Boom, success. Well, almost.

You do need one more thing. A plan. How are you going to get from point A to point B? What can you do to overcome your first obstacle? She calls this the “If, then” plan. Say to yourself if X (the obstacle) occurs you will do Y (overcome the obstacle). I would also add the importance of changing strategies if you get feedback that your plan is not working then adjust your strategy.

The App

Yes, there is an App for WOOP. They have one for students and adults. This is smart. More of these books should have Apps that help people through a new process.

You can find the APP at woopmylofe.org. But I say buy the book too!! There is a lot more in it. Not just studies.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Eight

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No other book I have read in the last couple of years has kept the fire burning within me like this one. Discipline Equals Freedom, by Jocko Willink is exceptional. The current “Expanded” edition includes even more Jocko wisdom.

For a few seconds, I thought I may have reviewed the first book, but then I decided it didn’t make any difference because this is the expanded version and I will focus on what was added.

The Way

Before I get into the added material something needs to be said about the overall book. It is Jocko Willink’s defense of his belief that discipline equals freedom. Just like the Tao, Jocko titles one section, “The Way of Discipline.”

There is no shortcut or “hack” says Jocko. Not in this book. He assumes that if you bought his book you want to be “stronger, smarter, faster healthier and better.” He stresses that to achieve these things there is no easy way and he defines discipline as being “the root of all good qualities.” Here is exactly how he puts it:

“Discipline: the root of all good qualities. The driver of daily execution. The core principle that overcomes laziness and lethargy and excuses. Discipline defeats the infinite excuses that say: Not today, not now, I need a rest, I will do it tomorrow.”

The Binary Code

Jocko introduces the binary code in this expanded edition. He says “machines make their decisions based on binary code. Yes or no. So if you ask yourself if you are going to work out the answer is either yes or no. Are you going to eat that donut? Yes or no.

This way of thinking makes every decision much simpler or as Jocko says, “It’s not complicated.”

Detachment

We hear a lot about this these days and Jocko says, “One of the most powerful things you can do as a human being is detach. Detach from your ego. Detach from your emotions. Detach from your perspective. Detach from yourself.”

Then he goes on to describe how to do that. “Take a step back. Physically change your respective by stepping back. Put your hands at your sides. Lift your chin just a little bit. This opens your airway and forces you into a slightly vulnerable physical posture…” Take some deep breaths and listen.

Self Sabotage

He says people talk about how they self-sabotage because they are afraid to win but he says they are afraid to work. That they are lazy!

“Don’t be lazy,” he says.

Doesn’t Matter

People ask him how he is doing and he says fine or good, but according to him, it doesn’t matter how he is doing, because he is going to do what he is supposed to do.

He says that is the real truth. It only matters that he is doing what he is supposed to do.

Happiness

I can remember listening to Dr. Lara Schlesinger, a talk show host that answered calls from listeners and gave advice. She would tell them that happiness didn’t matter and that all the mattered was whether or not you were useful.

Jocko takes a similar stance by saying not to do what makes you happy but to do what makes you better. “Do what challenges you. Do what pushes you. Do what sets you up for long-term strategic success.”

Internal Thoughts and Dialogue

When I hike I repeat mantras to myself. They help me to get to the top of a mountain especially if I am struggling that day. For example, “I am powerful. I am strong. I can do this all day long.”

Jocko disagrees. He says that he thinks about nothing. “In fact: I shut my mind down and do what I am supposed to do.” He says to “turn off your brain and let your body function independently.” That would be very hard for me. It is the one thing in his book that I would struggle to accomplish. Turning my mind off is very difficult.

There is so much more in this book. Please buy it and read it for yourself.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Seven

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“My grandma kept cash in her bra,” is the opening line in “Everything is Spiritual,” by Rob Bell. Bell was a Christian pastor of a megachurch until 2012. I am not sure exactly how he sees himself today, but I am sure he has clarified that somewhere but not in this book at least.

He writes in bursts. A regular paragraph like this:

“I picked up on all that muted grief floating in the air between my grandma and dad, and from an early age I just wanted to make them laugh.”

To this:

“That’s what I remember.
I made her laugh.
I made him laugh.
If I could get them laughing so hard they were in tears,
I knew I’d done something.”

Then back to regular paragraphs.

Substance

He discusses tripping over what he calls a “spiritual talk thing” and decided that was what he was going to do with his life. So he retells some of what happened before his church voted him out. In this book, he really doesn’t talk about that. You need to read “Love Wins” to get that full story.

He talks about his dad’s father and how he died young and how that somehow influenced his sense of things. He says, “However solid life may appear, it’s also very fragile.” To be fair he says that on two separate lines. This style does allow him to emphasize things without putting them in italics, yet he does that too. Everything in the book has weight in this way.

More examples

In the following the first line is italicized:

“What do you do with the pain in life?”
“You keep moving, keep accomplishing, keep striving. Whatever you do, don’t be lazy. Don’t appear to be coasting. And whatever happens, stay a step ahead of the pain. Keep it buried. Keep it down.”

That is how he thought he should be living his life based on his childhood. Now he sees things differently. He says, “Through the help of a number of guides over the years, I begin to see a new way to be, one rooted in the enduring truth: There’s nothing to prove.” That’s italicized!

Lots more one-sentence paragraphs. Then he says he is telling us about where he came from and who he came from because we are like him. We all come from people and places.

“Our lives are loaded from the beginning with history and drums and love and wounds and tragedy and hope. I’m mysterious enough myself, let alone the ones I come from, let alone all the people I’m constantly encountering with your own hopes and fears and histories and mysteries, let alone this floating ball of rock we call home that’s hurtling through space at 87,000 miles per hour.”

Now that is some paragraph and it gets even more interesting, but you need to read the book.

Things to Remember

This is the kind of book that is free-floating and talks about a lot for things in a sort of order. Here are some items that stood out for me:

“Curiosity is the antidote to despair.” I agree! He says, “Despair is the spiritual disease of believing that tomorrow will simply be a repeat of today.” “Curiosity whispers to you, You’re just getting started…”

“We need forms. But that’s what they are – dust. Dirt. Earth. It’s the breath that gives it life. That gives us life.” “The invitation is to allow sprit to transform all these forms, so the they become everything they can be, guiding us into the fuller experience of the depths of life.”

He has a revelation while talking to Father Jack: “When we take ourselves too seriously it gets in the way of the thing that we are so seriously trying to do.”

He is telling Father Jack all the things he is doing etc.

After a time he stops me
He’s so kind and so firm
And so fierce

He tells me that I have a gift to give, so I should give it. He says that it is a generous gift that we each give to the world, and we should take good care of ourselves. To give a generous gift, we must be generous with ourselves. And to give generously, we must become very good at receiving generously.”

Finally, Death

“There is death
At the end of life,
But for you to be here
There was death, lots of it, millions and millions of times over,
At the start of your life.

He then discusses death and how a lot of sperm had to die to make you. That and a bunch of other things had to happen for you to exist. You are a miracle!

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Six

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“Think Like A Monk,” was one of those books that I pre-ordered. It was because I had heard the author discuss it on a podcast. Have I confessed yet that I am a podcast junkie almost as much as I am a book junkie? The author, Jay Shetty seems like someone you would like as a friend.

The book is about life from the perspective of someone who has been a Monk and lived to tell about it. Yes, he survived all that meditation and silence. The other thing that makes this book so interesting is that he was an Indian Monk. Not a Catholic Franciscan or a Buddhist Monk. There are lots of books from them.

Values

Early in the book, Shetty spends some time discussing values. He draws some pictures for those that are visual to help make his point.

He says to look at your past values and gives you a little exercise. He says, “Reflect on the three worst choices you’ve ever made. Why did you make them? What have you learned? How would you have done it differently?” I found that exercise to be enlightening and I go back often to look at my notes at the bottom of the page.

He also suggests that you watch where you spend your money because that will tell you a lot about what you value.

Negativity, Fear, and Intention

These are three whole chapters in the book. There is a lot in there so of course, you should read it. One of the best things he discusses is what he calls, “Spot, Stop and Swap.” You spot a negative thought. Stop to understand what it is and then Swap in a new way of processing.

He says he learned to let go of his fear of fear when he was a monk. He goes on to say we fear the wrong things and it causes us to miss opportunities. Shetty tells the story of “Biosphere 2” in Arizona. It was a sealed environment so no wind. The planted trees and the trees eventually just fell over, because normally the rots would go deep and get stronger in response to the wind, but there was no wind. His point is that adversity helps us grow stronger and that we need to get out of our “self-made Biospheres.”

“Intention,” is all about goals. “Fear desire, duty, and love are the roots of all intentions.” When you have a want ask yourself why seven times. I had read this before. Once you get to number seven you have probably found your real why.

Purpose or Dharma

“Dharma is using this natural inclination, the things you’re good at, your thrive mode, to serve others.” Shetty says “Passion + Expertise + Usefulness = Dharma. One of the things he says I really liked was that “My limitations make space for the gifts of other people.”

One approach to this that he suggests is that many should focus on looking “for opportunities to do what you love in the life you already have.”

Failure and Success

Shetty says, “ Humility comes from accepting where you are without seeing it as a reflection of who you are. Then you can use your imagination to find success.” “…soliciting, evaluating, and responding to feedback will increase your confidence and self-awareness.”

“You shouldn’t feel small compared to others, but you should feel small compared to your goals.” I don’t know about you but that inspires me!

Service

The author has a unique way that he explains the importance of service. I don’t think I have ever seen or heard it said with such an impact.

He says that “The highest purpose is to live in service.” He goes on to say, “service connects us, service amplifies our gratitude, service increases compassion and service builds self-esteem.” Well said. He urges us to “serve the pain that you know best.” Finally, “Service is the direct path to a meaning full life.” So there you have it! Think Like A Monk!

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Five

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How often in your life has your personality changed? Benjamin Hardy makes the case that it certainly doesn’t have to stay the same in his book, “Personality Isn’t Permanent.” A bookish weapon for sure. I mean aren’t they all?

You tell yourself that you are who you are and there is nothing you can do about it. You tell others you are “authentic.” You took a personality test and that’s that. Well, this book will make you stop and rethink everything.

The Case Against Personality Tests

The first part of the book is a well thought out case as to why personality is not permanent. He presents you with stories of individuals that totally changed themselves. He debunks the intricacies of personality tests as myths. Myth number one is that they are personality “Types.” He says these are “social or mental constructions, not realities.” Did you know that personality testing is a $2 billion industry?

Personality tests label you and labels are not good. They create tunnel vision. He quotes a Harvard psychologist, Dr. Ellen Langer: “ If something is presented as an accepted truth, alternative ways of thinking do not even come up for consideration.”

He also quotes Dr, Katherine Rogers, a personality psychologist that said, “We know that personality doesn’t work in types….I wouldn’t trust Myers and Briggs to tell me any more about my personality than I would trust my horoscope.”

Personality Is Not Fixed

I found this section to be powerful. He once again quotes a Harvard psychologist, Daniel Gilbert who says, “Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they are finished.”

Hardy says, “Your personality changes. It has changed and it will continue to change in the future. Consequently, it’s time to start thinking about who your future self is going it be. You don’t want to be surprised, or frustrated by where you’re at and who you become. You don’t want to leave your future self hanging due to neglect, bad planning, or poor decisions on the part of your present self.” He goes on to say that to say, It’s best to make decisions based on what your future, not your present, self wants.” Read that again. Then read it once more!

What to do?

Hardy says that you need to “…distinguish your present self from your future self. They aren’t the same person.” He continues, “The analogy of the future selfs another person may seem like a strange one, but it is rather powerful when it comes to understanding long term decision making.”

“Who you want to be in the future is more important than who you are now. Your intended future self should direct your current identity and personality far more than your former self does.”

Purpose

Hardy thinks everyone should have a massive purpose. “Spending your days on activities leading you to something incredibly important, something you truly value, is how you live without regret.”

He advises to select one major goal and use it as a filter for everything else. “One goal creates focus. Focus creates momentum.”

The author advises us to use a journal. I like that as it is one of my four strategies in “Attacking Adversity.” While journaling he says to ask these questions: 1. Where am I now? 2. What were the wins from the past 90 days? 3. What are the ins I want from the next 90 days? 4. Where do I want to be in three years? 5. Where do I want to be in one year?

More

There is so much more to this book and that is why you should read it. Hardy discusses trauma and how it affects people. Also, the need for a professional counselor when you have no one else to “witness” your feelings. He discusses how to shift your life story so that when you tell people about you it is your future self that shines.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Four

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Sometimes a book is a lot of work. Mastin Kipp’s, “Claim Your Power” was a lot of work. Exercises to do. Lots of list-making and thinking. Then “Best Self” was like that too. So much to do that I was worn out after reading it. This book, “Loving What Is,” by Byron Katie doesn’t have a lot of exercises, but it does exercise your mind. It was written in 2002 when I was in my 50s. I wonder if life could have been different if I had read it then?

Your mind gets a workout. It doesn’t seem that complicated at first, but then once you start using “The Work” it requires a lot of thinking.

What’s “The Work?”

“The Work” is a series of four questions you ask yourself anytime you don’t like what someone is doing or not doing or some idea that upsets you. Any thought or situation.

Here are the questions or inquiry:

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it is true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

And

Turn the thought around. Then find at least three specific genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation.

How Easy Is It?

Not so easy. Certainly is simple, right. So try it out. See! Katie gives you lots of help in the book so you can become decent at doing “The Work.” It makes my brain hurt, but maybe that is just me.

She presents whole sections about each of the questions even the first and second. These seem so obvious but they are not.

There are dialogues with several people in the book where Byron Katie asks them these questions and then guides them through it all. It can get complicated.

There is a chapter about doing the work on the body and addictions. There is a chapter about doing the work on money and work. One about doing the work with children. The book covers all the bases. At the end of the book, there is a section of questions and answers.

Is this book a weapon. You bet! It is a bookish weapon.