Stay on Offense Climb Mountains

Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Four

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The book “Search,” was published in 1985, but had a great impact on me at the time and I believe it is a bookish weapon you too can use in life.

It is a summary of what he was teaching at his workshops at the time. Janes Kavanaugh was a Catholic Priest and a poet and a writer who taught what he believed. I read this book the first time right after my first divorce.

Present Feelings

“When we deny strong feelings as I did for twenty or thirty years, they take their toll at some point in bodily symptoms, disease, depression, or consistent unhappiness,” says Kavanaugh. He talks about a young woman he saw at the store and how she looked sad and in despair, but would not communicate it to anyone. “She will dream of some magical solution, seek her release in novels or movies or the soaps, and join the parade of the empty and miserable.”

He discusses how “Searchers” are different than the woman above. They want to live a life that reflects who they are and are aware of danger signs of suppressed feelings. He says, “Self-healing begins with an awareness of what we are feeling. To know our feelings without editing or qualifying, without classifying them as good or bad.”

Kavanaugh says, if our image of ourselves refuses us the right to be angry or even unpleasant, our own kindness will probably kill us. Or if our self-image prevents us from being gentle and soft and even afraid, we will wall ourselves off from the world in a private tomb.” “…corroded feelings are the great murderers,” says Kavanaugh. He just says we should be aware of our feelings and that “Search” can teach us to grow up and take responsibility for our present feelings, to “get rid of the ghosts.”

Dependence and Interdependence (Chapter 2)

This section of the book I underlined over and over. On the subject of dependency, I underlined this: “Many of us are thrown back upon ourselves through a ruptured relationship, a job loss, or poor health. The child in us begs for someone to take the pain away.” “…the dependent child can be a killer!”

He goes on and I underlined this as well: “A solid friendship or committed love is an interdependency wherein we meet one another’s needs. That’s what life is all about. Total independence can b a mask for one who fears any dependence and intimacy. We need each other. We need to reach out, to share the burden of living, to find the helping hand when we are lost and alone.”

Meeting Our Own Needs (Chapter 3)

“Search” continually talks about the “long game”,” about imagining our life a year from now, if we do not take responsibility to meet our own needs. God or an inner spirit speaks to us through our needs.” He makes the point that if you ignore your needs for a lifetime you will end up alone or lonely.

I really liked Kavanaugh’s poetry which is interlaced throughout the book. Here is a bit from the poem, “Personal Freedom.”

“ Stand back from life and observe it at a distance.
What makes sense and what imprisonment?
Who knows consistent freedom and who follows a path
Made by ants following ants in proscribed procession?
I have no idea where I must live or how,
No blueprint made in Japan or heaven,
Only heart and mind that know what is true and false,
And what it is to feel the pulse of freedom,
Without which, for me, there is only a premature death.”

Indecision

When it comes to mental health and indecision. He says, “We can decide to communicate honestly no matter the cost, to begin to be who we are to the extent that we can. There is no deadline, no rule of thumb the covers everyone. Many of us have been taught so intensively to think of others that it takes us years to respond to ourselves.”

Then when people live life under others heal he has this to say, “When we have been put down enough or have suffered enough personal degradation, our anger can be an important ally to rescue us. Often we forget that anger is a powerful part of our emotional makeup and it can save us from self-annihilation. When summoned, anger often enables us to respect who we are and becomes a significant source of self-love.”

Here is a summary of what he is saying about decisions: prolonged indecision can lead to serious illness, decisions follow from unmet needs and practical options, a bad decision is often better than no decision and play the long game. All of these are good to remember.

Loneliness

Personally, I enjoy solitude. I am rarely lonely which is a good thing because I spend most of my time alone. Kavanaugh says, “Loneliness can almost devour the sensitive and aware and cause a deep-rooted fear of abandonment and a diminished sense of self-worth.” He says of single people that, “The freedom they chose becomes another kind of prison.”

I think he makes too much of it. He talks about people exploring meaningless relationships but are still alone. I say enjoy your solitude. It is a precious gift.

Support Systems

One of the key parts of this book is when he discusses support systems. He says and I agree, that, “…the essence of a support system is to establish genuine and solid strength within oneself.” This is so important. If I did not have this strength I would not have made it this far.

Beginning again, say after a divorce or even a breakup is difficult. I like his poem about it:

I cannot begin again
To study the veins of granite rocks
And explore the anxiety of clouds
To relearn the secrets of the trees
And see the shadows of mountains.
There are too may forms already seen,
Too many sounds heard too often,
Too many dreams etched in my memory like water scarring ancient foundations.

This is not all of the poem. You need to find the book and read it. If you can’t find the book, let me know and I will give you the rest of it in one of these posts.

Go Hiking and Be Focused

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Focus is important in life and its no different on the trail. You need to pay attention to where you put your feet unless you want to end up on your face or back.

Once you have reached the top of a mountain you can relax and enjoy the scenery. Still, what if a cougar crept up behind you? Not good.

The Wide View

There are two kinds of vision you can use in the mountains which keep you focused in different ways. The first is the wide view. Don’t just focus on one thing, but take in the entire scene in from to of you and around you. It is a different way of seeing but useful.

With the wide view, you are scanning for danger and enjoying the differences in forest. You are very present in the moment so it is like a meditation.

The Narrow View

With this view, your eyes are focused on one thing. Usually, this is why you are climbing around an obstacle or scrambling up a rock face. You have to focus your vision or you will fall.

The narrow view is also useful in swatting mosquitoes. This reminds me that I have not seen mosquitoes in the mountains these last couple of years. I wonder why? Maybe I have just been fortunate and had a breeze blowing. But no, there are fewer birds too. Maybe it is civilization being too close.

The Inner View

If you are hiking a relatively easy terrain, which does happen during a hike, then take some time to go inside. Focus on your feelings at the moment. Focus on how your body feels. Focus on your breath. Focus on how you are doing mentally. Pray!

If you are someone who rarely takes the time to examine your life, this is an excellent opportunity to do that. You may discover things you didn’t know about yourself.

So go hiking and be focused!

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Three

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This bookish weapon is a potent one. It is an older book, written in 2009, but even more relevant today. It is called “Rapt.,” by Winifred Gallagher.

With everyone on their smartphones this book will be a welcome tool for you to help yourself focus and as Gallagher says, “…your life-who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love-is the sum of what you focus on.” And, “In contrast, the things that you don’t attend to in a sense don’t exist, at least not for you.”

More Focus

There is so much talk of happiness. How do we achieve it? Can it even be a goal or should it be? Gallagher says, “…you cannot always be happy, but you can almost always be focused, which is the next best thing.”

She defines the book’s title by saying it means, “completely absorbed, engrossed, fascinated, perhaps even “carried away.” It is important to choose your “targets” for your focus. She says that your decision is critical. “Deciding what to pay attention to for this hour, day, week, or yer, much less a lifetime, is a peculiarly human predicament, and your quality of life largely depends on how you handle it.”

Gallagher says,”..when you lose focus, your mind tends to fix on what could be wrong with your life instead of what’s right…” and I think it is largely because we are always looking for the threats to us.

Feelings

How do our feelings affect our focus? There is a whole chapter in the book and it is entitled, “Inside Out: Feelings Frame Focus.” As recent studies confirm we are drawn to the negative. You have heard of ANTs – Automatic Negative Thoughts? Gallagher puts it this way, “…we pay more attention to unpleasant feelings such as fear, anger, and sadness because they’re simply more powerful than the agreeable sort.” From what I have read elsewhere this is because our reptilian brain is trying to recognize a threat and keep us alive. Do you question this? Well, you will be interested to know a little fact about your birthday. She says, Here is the icing on the cake: on your birthday, you’re up to 20 percent more likely to have a heart attack, perhaps prompted by fears of aging or disappointed hopes.”

However, there is good news. “Paying attention to positive emotions literally expands your world, while focusing on negative feelings shrink it.” So focus on the positive. “When you feel frightened, angry, or sad, reality contracts until whatever is upsetting you takes up the whole world – at least the one between your ears.” Understanding this really helps you prepare for the fight.

Old Age

What do young people focus on vs what old people focus on? This was interesting. She says young folks focus on the future and new experiences and old people “emotional satisfaction in the here and now.” She quotes psychologist Laura Carstensen who says, “Age does not entail the relentless pursuit of happiness, but rather the satisfaction of emotionally meaningful goals, which involves far more than simply “feeling good.” I would say, I suppose so, but I like new experiences and adventures still. I am probably the odd old person or just not as mature as most of my peers. However, many older people think they know it all and they close their minds to new ideas.

Decisions

She says we pay attention to the wrong things during the decision making process. Focusing on the easy way instead of considering second and third level consequences. “Our thinking gets befuddled not so much by our emotions as by our “cognitive illusions” or mistaken intuitions, and other flawed, fragmented mental constructs.” She quotes Daniel Kahneman frequently. In reference to a financial situation he says, “If you focus too much on each issue separately, considering each loss and gain in isolation, you make mistakes.”

You have two selves. One is the “experiencing self” which focuses on the present. Then you have an evaluative “remembering self” that looks back on the experience. This second self is relying on memory which is not so reliable. That messes us up. Kahneman says, “Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it, Why? “Because you are thinking about it.” The bold is mine.

Just like focusing too much on your memories to help you make decisions, the effects of adaptation (getting used to a situation) impacts our decisions. You are used to a job and forget the good things about it because it has become routine. So you quit and go somewhere else only to find out you had it pretty good in the other job but had gotten used to it. Kahneman puts it this way, “Forgetting that you’ll eventually stop paying attention to a new thing can skew not just big decisions about the future, but also the small ones that quietly but profoundly affect your present well being.”

Multitasking

Easy as flipping a pancake or a myth? She says, “…multitasking for most piratical purposes is a myth, and that heeding its siren call leads to inefficiency and even danger.” Amen to that!

Sometimes if you are used to doing many things at once and have done so for years you may just not realize the impact it has on you. “…there’s a risk: if you grow up assuming you can pay attention to several things at once, you may not realize that the way in which you process such information is superficial at best…and stunted your capacity for serious thought.”

Finally

There s a great section about diet and how the right focus can help you and much more so as always, get the book.

Go Hiking And Be Aware

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How hard could it be to be aware when your hiking? You have to pay attention or you fall. Of course, Anthony De Mello is not talking about that kind of awareness. He says it is the kind where you don’t care whether you live or die. I reviewed his book and you can read more about it there.

So I will take a little license here to just discuss awareness when it comes to hiking.

Nature

When you are in nature you are going back to your roots as a human. It is, after all where we all lived our lives many moons ago. Now we are surrounded by concrete and skyscrapers. It is far from natural.

One could argue that cars and concrete require a lot of awareness. You have to avoid being hit by a car. But it is actually awareness filled with distractions. People looking at their phones. You are really not aware.

Cell Phones

These devices are not just in the city. People take them on hikes. That would be fine if they left them in their pocket for emergencies, but they don’t. I see people talking on their phone while hiking up a trail. Please don’t do that. It insults your surroundings!

How can you be aware of wild things or dangers if you are on your phone? It is a deadly habit in the woods. I remember an instance when I was running down a trail and came upon a young lady with earpieces in place. She couldn’t hear me coming. So I scared her and she screamed. Good thing I was not a bear.

I suppose it will be much better when instead of the cell phone we all have the chip in our head and will be scrolling Instagram in our mind. Just as dangerous I would presume, but what do I know about chips in our heads?

In the meantime, keep the phone in your pocket until you want to take a picture. Listen to the wind in the trees and the silence. Be aware of your surroundings.

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Two

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This book, “Awareness,” by Anthony De Mello was written some time ago but has received recent accolades from the likes of Tim Ferriss and others. There is a good reason for it. He was certainly one of the first proponents of mindfulness although he didn’t call it that.

The book is short with big ideas. Sometimes those are the best kind. You can just read them over and over again.

Sleeping

De Mello says most people are asleep. He says, “They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing we call human existence.” He goes on to say that “all Mystics, Catholic, Christian, non-Christian, no matter what their theology, no matter what their religion – are unanimous on one thing: that all is well, all is well.”

Insights abound in this book. Being asleep is discussed throughout the book and he makes a point that people do not want to “be cured.” “What they want is relief; a cure is painful.” “Most people go to a psychiatrist or psychologist to get relief. I repeat: to get relief. Not to get out of it.” So he says you need to “realize that you don’t want to wake up.”

You

Here is a passage that struck me and like I so often do I will quote the whole thing. It is an idea I think everyone needs to hear especially in this day and age where it seems everyone is running to therapy over even minor things. He says that we are “not ok” but it doesn’t matter. We should just observe (be aware). Then he says,

“This reminds me of the fellow in London after the war. He’s sitting with a parcel wrapped in brown paper in his lap; it’s a big, heavy object. The bus conductor comes up to him and says, “What do you have on your lap there?” And the man says, “This is an unexploded bomb. We dug it out of the garden and I am taking it to the police station.” The conductor says, “You don’t want to carry that on your lap. Put it under the seat.”

“Psychology and spirituality (as we generally understand it) transfer the bomb from your lap to under your seat. They don’t really solve your problems. Has that ever struck you? You had a problem, now you exchange it for another one. It’s always going to be that way until we solve the problem called “you.”

Suffering

“Do you want a sign you’re asleep? Here it is: You’re suffering. Suffering is a sign that you are out of touch with the truth.”

He says, “All suffering is caused by my identifying myself with something, whether that something is within me or outside me.” “Grief is a sign that I made my happiness depend on this thing or person, at least to some extent.”

He makes the case for enjoying people not for who they are but also for more than who they are and we are. He goes on to say that, Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality.” Then he talks about the “organized industry” designed to distract us from reality. I/Phone anyone?

How about some “bliss.” De Mello says, “There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing what in India we call Anand – bliss, bliss. There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it is because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have.”

Wisdom

The Bible says wisdom begins with the fear of God. I am sure De Mello has read this and agrees, but he says there are four steps to wisdom. First, you need to become aware of negative feelings you didn’t realize you had. Second, is to “understand that the feeling is in you, not in reality.” The third step is to “Never identify with that feeling. It has nothing to do with the I…don’t say, “I am depressed.” He says you can say “It is depressed.” You should not define yourself in terms of a feeling. That is a mistake. The fourth step is to change yourself. Don’t try to change somebody else. Realize that “the world is right because I feel good.” You feeling good goes first.

De Mello says, “There is no explanation you can give that would explain away all the sufferings and evil and torture and destruction and hunger in the world! “…Because life is a mystery, which means your thinking mind cannot make sense out of it. For that you’ve got to wake up and then you’ll suddenly realize that reality is not problematic, you are the problem.”

Life

“Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind.” How about that statement! I agree with him when he says. “Loneliness is when you are missing people, aloneness is when you’re enjoying yourself.”

Then he gives us a pretty good definition of awareness. It is like mindfulness without the wanting. He puts it this way, “When people say they want to experience every moment, they are really talking awareness, except for the “wanting.”

Death

“You are not living until it doesn’t matter a tinker’s damn to you whether you live or die.” Now that is something to think about. He doesn’t end there. “People mistakenly think that living is keeping the body alive. So love the thought of death. Love it.”

Then he suggests visiting a graveyard. Consider the people there. How short their lives were.

I must confess that I am asleep and hope I remain asleep if being awake means you don’t care if your alive or dead. I think his perspective may be due to the fact that he is old as he writes this and closer to death or I am just to stupid to grasp this idea.

Love

He says, “Give up your dependency. Tear away the tentacles of society that have enveloped and suffocated your being. You must drop them. Externally, everything will go on as before, but though you will continue to be in the world, you will not be of it.”

And then he says something I can really identify with. “It will help, too, if you return to nature. Send the crowds away, go up to the mountains, and silently commune with trees and flowers and animals and birds, with sea and clouds and sky and stars.” “That is the cure for loneliness.”

Go Hiking And Be Antifragile

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Everyone wants to be indestructible like Superman! Do you say you don’t? Ok then, almost everybody wants to be indestructible. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen for you in this life.

On the other hand, you can make yourself antifragile by hiking mountains. In Taleb’s book, he says he likes deadlifts. They are good, but hiking is better!

Uneven Terrain

Mountains are not treadmills or even streets with hills. The surface is varied. Your body needs to adjust to rocks, stumps, mud, and blown down trees at times. This makes your body ready for anything.

The surface is varied as I said, but you are also going up for a long time and then down which adds even more variety to your workout.

Your Mind

If you walk around your neighborhood it is always the same neighborhood. Mountains change every week. A tree falls, a rock tumbles into the trail, and different people are on the mountain. Weather is typically more severe in the mountains. All these stimulate your mind and make it antifragile.

Just figuring out the logistics for a climb is a good exercise for your mind and keeps it strong.

Testing Yourself

Every time you climb a mountain it tests your ability. You find out of you still have what it takes. This contributes to you being antifragile. It surprises your body and mind.

If you are going to remain that way you need to test yourself over and over again. This is not a one-time thing or you will regress and become more fragile. You will break easily. Climb Different Mountains

This is something I need to work on more. I tend to hike the same mountains. It makes me more fragile. Last year I did climb some new ones so I became more antifragile that year, But I need to keep at it.

This is a good admonition for everybody. Change things up in your life. Drive a different way to work even if it takes a little longer. Change your routine.

Become ANTIFRAGILE! Go Hiking!