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Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Sixty

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Mel Robbins is so inspiring and “real.” Her latest book sure is a “bookish weapon” for you all. It is called “The High Five Habit.”

What makes the “High Five Habit,” so special? I’m going to break it down for you.

Simple But Powerful

What Mel wants us all to do when we get up in the morning is high five ourselves in the mirror. That is pretty simple. We all know how to high five someone. Mel acknowledges that it will feel a little strange at first ( I will attest to that). However, once you get rolling all is well.

As you are standing in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, set an intention for the day and then say out loud several possible things depending on your situation. For example, maybe you are afraid of an upcoming speech you need to give and you say, “I’m afraid and I have got this,” or “You can handle this. I know you can.” So you get the idea. The book gives more examples. After only four days I noticed a difference in how I felt about myself. Mel says it is because our mind knows that a high five is a positive congratulation and you are giving it to yourself. It works on you! It changes how you see yourself.

Controlling Negative Self Talk

There are other books that discuss this in detail as well, but I really liked Mel’s approach. When a negative thought appears in your head you say, “I’m not thinking about that.” Then you replace that thought with something positive. You are checking your mental filter.

As Mel points out that, “It’s dead simple, but if you are an over thinker, a worrier, a catastrophizer, paralyzed by fears, or struggling with anxiety, this is a life changing. Keep interrupting those negative thoughts every time they pop up during the day. Then as I mentioned above, you replace the thought with something positive and Mel gives you a whole list of Matras to choose from or find your own. Here is a sample from her list: “I deserve to feel good today.” “I have my own back.” “This is teaching me something I need to know.”

Obstacles and Opportunity

This part of the book was a great reminder for me that obstacles can mean opportunity. Mel tells a story about a Uber driver she met with a dream and how she helped him. She points out that “…there are two kinds of people: People who see obstacles and people who see opportunity.” She points out that the “high five attitude is action oriented and sees opportunity.”

What are the practical steps? If you say to yourself, “Now is not the right time for my dreams,” Mel says to flip it to, “If I put in the work I can make it happen.” She advises us to set a deadline. Then write all this down! If you write it down it is a signal that it is important to you. Ok, you got it? Then get Mel’s book. There is a lot more in it!

Bookish Weapon Number Fifty-Eight

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James Altucher is one of my favorite authors. he wrote “Choose Yourself,” which was fantastic. If I have not reviewed that book I will. “Skip The Line,” is equally good.

Altucher has lost money and made money as he always reminds readers. We can learn from his mistakes and he is not shy about discussing what he has done wrong in the past.

The 10,000 Experiments Rule

You all have heard or read that you need to spend 10,000 hours doing something to become the best at it or master it. James says you should do 10,000 experiments. He says before you know something is a good idea you need to run an experiment. Enough ideas and enough experiments and some things are going to work.

Plus James points out that experiments, like his idea for a “Going Steady” app can be easy to set up and do, there is little downside, there’s huge potential upside, it’s never been done before, and you are learning something new. So he says, “There are only two possible results: you either learn something…or the experiment succeeds. There is no failure. He goes on to talk about Galileo’s famous experiment that changed the world.

Then he says that “Conducting 10,000 experiments, or even far fewer, can lead to great knowledge and great success, and it’s the quickest way to skip the line to the top of a profession with as little downside as possible.”

Building Microskills

Altucher talks a lot abut micro skills. It is all one word in his book. It is one of the tools he says you need to get the idea of doing 10,000 experiments going. Most of the book is about these tools. He says you need to stand out. To be the only one like you. To build your unique perspective ad you need these tools to do that.

An example of micro skills is writing. It isn’t jut one skill. You need to be able to tell a story, understand language play, character development, etc. You get the idea.

Who Are You? Why Are You? Why Now?

This is a chapter in the book that I really liked. One of the things he says is that we all will have more than one purpose in our lifetimes and that “obsession is the first clue toward finding your purpose.” He says to look on your phone and see what pictures you’re taking. I take pictures of mountain scenery! Hmm…

He advises to find out what you are scared of because “fear is a compass.” And he goes on, “Without that fear, you know that you are just repeating what others have done before you. That’s why instinctively, you know it’s safe.” That’s good advice!

Learn Idea Calculus

Again, that is the title of a chapter. James is very big on ideas. He recommends writing down 10 ideas a day, every day. So idea calculus includes idea subtraction, idea multiplication, idea division, idea sex (yes, it is very powerful) and idea subsets. This last one is breaking down ideas into parts within parts.

He says, “Many people don’t understand that execution is a spectrum. You can be bad or good. The way you get good at execution is to having good execution ideas. The way to get good at execution ideas is to exercise your idea muscle. When you have an idea there are many possible ways to execute on that idea. It’s like opening a mystical third eye: you can see all the possible futures and choose the bet one. And how do you know which one I best? You guessed it: by experimenting.”

There is so much more in this book! Please read it. You will be glad you did.

Bookish Weapon Number Fifty-One

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My father was a serial entrepreneur. He owned at least six businesses that I know about during his lifetime. This is the ultimate entrepreneur’s book. “Built to Serve,” by Evan Carmichael is for those that want to find their purpose and become the leader they were born to be according to the subtitle. I would say that it delvers.

If you want to have your own business and use the Internet (especially Youtube) to generate business Evan is your guy.

Purpose

Before you can serve anyone you need to know your purpose. Evan presents you with excellent questions to ask yourself. He says your purpose is your “source of power.” He takes you through a process to discover your purpose.

You discover the who, the why and the how. First is your who. Who are you? Then you discover your why. Why do you want to do this? Finally, how are you gong to do it.

Your Who

Evan says that your “Who” is the starting point for everything. You start by figuring out what makes you happy. He gives you an excellent exercise for discovering this but he has also written another book called “Your One Word,” that he says will help even more.

In Built to Serve he presents you with five questions to help you discover your who.

Who was your favorite teacher growing up?
What is your favorite movie of all time?
What do you love most about how your parents raised you?
Which successful person do you look up to and why?
What lessons do you want your kids to have?

So once you have discovered your who and your core value, what then?

Your Why

Your why equals your purpose. It comes from your pain. I thought this was very enlightening. He says the way you turn the pain into something good “…is to turn that negative situation into a life-changing gift for yourself and others, to live a service life instead of a surface life, to give yourself a powerful reason to wake up in the morning and work on building something better for yourself and the people around you.” He says, “Your job is to face the pain, eat it, grow from it, and then create positivity and oxygen for others around you.”

Here is the difficulty which he attempts to answer and that is if you are still moored in the pain and have not yet overcome it then what good are you to someone else? He says, …”just the fact that you’re out there trying is an inspiration to others, and you also know more than you did when you started.”

Your How

You need to know how you saved yourself. Now if you haven’t done that then get busy. So you ask yourself, when did you decide something had to change? What is the first thing you did to start the change? Then How did you sustain the momentum? That is your recipe for success he says.

Your how is your passion. It is the work that you love. Evan says when you combine your Who with your Why with doing the work you love it is a hone run.

So don’t delay go get this book. It is one of the few books I have read that really could change your life if you are the right kind of person. Even if you don’t want to start a company it has some great insights about life in general. If fact, I would suggest you get it and read it twice.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Nine

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Rethinking Positive Thinking

Have you ever had to rethink anything? What about something like gravity? Something that you just don’t think requires any rethinking. This book is like that. Who could imagine that positive thinking would invite any rethinking?

“Rethinking Positive Thinking,” by Gabriele Oettingen gets your attention. The subtitle is “Inside the New Science of Motivation.” Who doesn’t want to know about that? The question is what needs to be rethought? The author discusses the “cult of optimism” and how it is everywhere. The book was written in 2014. She sites “The Secret” and “Chicken Soup for The Soul,” and says that the idea that all we have to do is imagine what we want and it will magically appear leaves a lot to be desired.

Studies

Study after study after study. That is the first part of this book. The author and her compatriots used students in experiment after experiment to prove their ideas. They did studies with people of other age groups as well. She says she spent twenty years doing this research. So if you are someone who needs to see the proof, it is here.

There is a study involving women and their shoes. I thought that was an interesting one. Actually, there were a couple of them.

WOOP

All the studies ultimately resulted in a useful tool for you and me. The acronym is WOOP and it stands for Wish, Obstacles Outcome, and Plan. Simple and powerful and it is why Brian Johnson at the Optimize Me group picked it as one of the three best books of that genre.

Dreaming about pleasant outcomes isn’t enough, but it does lower your blood pressure. I bet you didn’t know that. So next time you think your blood pressure might be rising just think about winning the lottery.

Wish and Outcome

The first thing to get on paper is your wish. Your goal. Your vision. Get it down in detail. Maybe as Hal Elrod suggests do a ten-year vision for each area of your life. With the WOOP process you “disengage from wishes that aren’t practical.” Focus only on realistic goals!

Why is the outcome you want? It might be easier if you think of the outcome as the benefits you will receive if you attain your wish. Think about these in detail. Include all your senses or as many as possible. Feel the sand between your toes if your wish is to walk a Hawaiian beach.

Obstacle and Plan

Now here is where all the studies paid off. After you have your wish all settled you need to focus on the obstacle or obstacles you will be facing. You need to focus on the negative present reality along with the fantasy of the big wish. The author stresses that it is important to focus on internal obstacles and not the external ones. Do that in the right way and Boom, success. Well, almost.

You do need one more thing. A plan. How are you going to get from point A to point B? What can you do to overcome your first obstacle? She calls this the “If, then” plan. Say to yourself if X (the obstacle) occurs you will do Y (overcome the obstacle). I would also add the importance of changing strategies if you get feedback that your plan is not working then adjust your strategy.

The App

Yes, there is an App for WOOP. They have one for students and adults. This is smart. More of these books should have Apps that help people through a new process.

You can find the APP at woopmylofe.org. But I say buy the book too!! There is a lot more in it. Not just studies.

Bookish Weapon Number Forty-Eight

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No other book I have read in the last couple of years has kept the fire burning within me like this one. Discipline Equals Freedom, by Jocko Willink is exceptional. The current “Expanded” edition includes even more Jocko wisdom.

For a few seconds, I thought I may have reviewed the first book, but then I decided it didn’t make any difference because this is the expanded version and I will focus on what was added.

The Way

Before I get into the added material something needs to be said about the overall book. It is Jocko Willink’s defense of his belief that discipline equals freedom. Just like the Tao, Jocko titles one section, “The Way of Discipline.”

There is no shortcut or “hack” says Jocko. Not in this book. He assumes that if you bought his book you want to be “stronger, smarter, faster healthier and better.” He stresses that to achieve these things there is no easy way and he defines discipline as being “the root of all good qualities.” Here is exactly how he puts it:

“Discipline: the root of all good qualities. The driver of daily execution. The core principle that overcomes laziness and lethargy and excuses. Discipline defeats the infinite excuses that say: Not today, not now, I need a rest, I will do it tomorrow.”

The Binary Code

Jocko introduces the binary code in this expanded edition. He says “machines make their decisions based on binary code. Yes or no. So if you ask yourself if you are going to work out the answer is either yes or no. Are you going to eat that donut? Yes or no.

This way of thinking makes every decision much simpler or as Jocko says, “It’s not complicated.”

Detachment

We hear a lot about this these days and Jocko says, “One of the most powerful things you can do as a human being is detach. Detach from your ego. Detach from your emotions. Detach from your perspective. Detach from yourself.”

Then he goes on to describe how to do that. “Take a step back. Physically change your respective by stepping back. Put your hands at your sides. Lift your chin just a little bit. This opens your airway and forces you into a slightly vulnerable physical posture…” Take some deep breaths and listen.

Self Sabotage

He says people talk about how they self-sabotage because they are afraid to win but he says they are afraid to work. That they are lazy!

“Don’t be lazy,” he says.

Doesn’t Matter

People ask him how he is doing and he says fine or good, but according to him, it doesn’t matter how he is doing, because he is going to do what he is supposed to do.

He says that is the real truth. It only matters that he is doing what he is supposed to do.

Happiness

I can remember listening to Dr. Lara Schlesinger, a talk show host that answered calls from listeners and gave advice. She would tell them that happiness didn’t matter and that all the mattered was whether or not you were useful.

Jocko takes a similar stance by saying not to do what makes you happy but to do what makes you better. “Do what challenges you. Do what pushes you. Do what sets you up for long-term strategic success.”

Internal Thoughts and Dialogue

When I hike I repeat mantras to myself. They help me to get to the top of a mountain especially if I am struggling that day. For example, “I am powerful. I am strong. I can do this all day long.”

Jocko disagrees. He says that he thinks about nothing. “In fact: I shut my mind down and do what I am supposed to do.” He says to “turn off your brain and let your body function independently.” That would be very hard for me. It is the one thing in his book that I would struggle to accomplish. Turning my mind off is very difficult.

There is so much more in this book. Please buy it and read it for yourself.

Bookish Weapon Number Thirty-Four

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The book “Search,” was published in 1985, but had a great impact on me at the time and I believe it is a bookish weapon you too can use in life.

It is a summary of what he was teaching at his workshops at the time. Janes Kavanaugh was a Catholic Priest and a poet and a writer who taught what he believed. I read this book the first time right after my first divorce.

Present Feelings

“When we deny strong feelings as I did for twenty or thirty years, they take their toll at some point in bodily symptoms, disease, depression, or consistent unhappiness,” says Kavanaugh. He talks about a young woman he saw at the store and how she looked sad and in despair, but would not communicate it to anyone. “She will dream of some magical solution, seek her release in novels or movies or the soaps, and join the parade of the empty and miserable.”

He discusses how “Searchers” are different than the woman above. They want to live a life that reflects who they are and are aware of danger signs of suppressed feelings. He says, “Self-healing begins with an awareness of what we are feeling. To know our feelings without editing or qualifying, without classifying them as good or bad.”

Kavanaugh says, if our image of ourselves refuses us the right to be angry or even unpleasant, our own kindness will probably kill us. Or if our self-image prevents us from being gentle and soft and even afraid, we will wall ourselves off from the world in a private tomb.” “…corroded feelings are the great murderers,” says Kavanaugh. He just says we should be aware of our feelings and that “Search” can teach us to grow up and take responsibility for our present feelings, to “get rid of the ghosts.”

Dependence and Interdependence (Chapter 2)

This section of the book I underlined over and over. On the subject of dependency, I underlined this: “Many of us are thrown back upon ourselves through a ruptured relationship, a job loss, or poor health. The child in us begs for someone to take the pain away.” “…the dependent child can be a killer!”

He goes on and I underlined this as well: “A solid friendship or committed love is an interdependency wherein we meet one another’s needs. That’s what life is all about. Total independence can b a mask for one who fears any dependence and intimacy. We need each other. We need to reach out, to share the burden of living, to find the helping hand when we are lost and alone.”

Meeting Our Own Needs (Chapter 3)

“Search” continually talks about the “long game”,” about imagining our life a year from now, if we do not take responsibility to meet our own needs. God or an inner spirit speaks to us through our needs.” He makes the point that if you ignore your needs for a lifetime you will end up alone or lonely.

I really liked Kavanaugh’s poetry which is interlaced throughout the book. Here is a bit from the poem, “Personal Freedom.”

“ Stand back from life and observe it at a distance.
What makes sense and what imprisonment?
Who knows consistent freedom and who follows a path
Made by ants following ants in proscribed procession?
I have no idea where I must live or how,
No blueprint made in Japan or heaven,
Only heart and mind that know what is true and false,
And what it is to feel the pulse of freedom,
Without which, for me, there is only a premature death.”

Indecision

When it comes to mental health and indecision. He says, “We can decide to communicate honestly no matter the cost, to begin to be who we are to the extent that we can. There is no deadline, no rule of thumb the covers everyone. Many of us have been taught so intensively to think of others that it takes us years to respond to ourselves.”

Then when people live life under others heal he has this to say, “When we have been put down enough or have suffered enough personal degradation, our anger can be an important ally to rescue us. Often we forget that anger is a powerful part of our emotional makeup and it can save us from self-annihilation. When summoned, anger often enables us to respect who we are and becomes a significant source of self-love.”

Here is a summary of what he is saying about decisions: prolonged indecision can lead to serious illness, decisions follow from unmet needs and practical options, a bad decision is often better than no decision and play the long game. All of these are good to remember.

Loneliness

Personally, I enjoy solitude. I am rarely lonely which is a good thing because I spend most of my time alone. Kavanaugh says, “Loneliness can almost devour the sensitive and aware and cause a deep-rooted fear of abandonment and a diminished sense of self-worth.” He says of single people that, “The freedom they chose becomes another kind of prison.”

I think he makes too much of it. He talks about people exploring meaningless relationships but are still alone. I say enjoy your solitude. It is a precious gift.

Support Systems

One of the key parts of this book is when he discusses support systems. He says and I agree, that, “…the essence of a support system is to establish genuine and solid strength within oneself.” This is so important. If I did not have this strength I would not have made it this far.

Beginning again, say after a divorce or even a breakup is difficult. I like his poem about it:

I cannot begin again
To study the veins of granite rocks
And explore the anxiety of clouds
To relearn the secrets of the trees
And see the shadows of mountains.
There are too may forms already seen,
Too many sounds heard too often,
Too many dreams etched in my memory like water scarring ancient foundations.

This is not all of the poem. You need to find the book and read it. If you can’t find the book, let me know and I will give you the rest of it in one of these posts.