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Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Fifteen

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The book that started it all for me or at least what kept me in the sales profession was “See You At The Top,” by Zig Ziglar. I had forgotten that it was a 400 page book. I remembered it to be a lot smaller for some reason. So I am going to pull a few gems out of this one for you, but before I do consider that Norman Vincent Peale endorsed this book.

I noticed that on the inside cover of my copy I wrote the dates I completed reading it. I read it eight times, the last time being in 1980. Now, I wish I had kept reading it every year. As Zig says in his introduction, “…read it from cover to cover as a way of life. Then you start over.”

The Big Weapon – Six Steps

Zig says there are six steps to everything you want – self-image, your relationship with others, goals, attitude, work and desire. That’s it! He says we all have some of everything we need to be successful.

He says, “winning isn’t everything, but the effort to win is,” and “man was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success and endowed with the seeds of greatness.”

One of his most quoted sayings is, “You can get everything in life you want, if you help enough other people get what they want.”

Your Mind

“Whatever you plant in the mind is going to come up – multiplied.” The reason for this is that between planting and harvesting the imagination gets involved and multiplies whatever you planted. Think about that! Have you ever had your imagination go wild on you after even something relatively minor? I know I have allowed it.

His key idea here is if you plant negatives in your mind you will reap negatives. He says “whatever we put into our minds is going to come out of them.”

The Scariest Disease

Ziglar calls it the “worlds most deadly disease.” It is “hardening of the attitude,” and it is caused by “stinkin’ thinkin’.” I always have loved this.

Have you ever suffered from this not so rare disease? If course we all have and it is deadly, so be careful and recognize it for what it is before it becomes terminal.

So what you should probably get is a “checkup from the neck up” so you don’t get this disease.

Desire

Zig calls it the equalizer. He says “Desire is the ingredient that changes the water of mediocrity to the steam of outstanding success.” “Desire is the extra.” “Our yearning power is more important than our earning power.”So crank up your desire if you want to get somewhere.

Also don’t get bent our of shape regarding “happiness.” I have always just wanted to be useful, but Zig says “happiness is not pleasure. It is victory.”

Bookish Weapon Number Fourteen

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Today’s Bookish Weapon is from Ray Dalio’s book, Principles. It is arguably one of the best business books in print. Dalio’s biography is stunning. A billionaire investor and hedge fund manager. He knows how to make anything more successful. I am going to look at his take on making decisions, but I highly recommend you read the whole book.

Decisions – Broadly Speaking

So you need to make a decision about something. Something important. How do you ego about it from Dalio’s perspective. He says, “Know that coming up with the right questions and asking other smart people what they think is as important as having all the answers.”

So ask some smart people what they think. Get someone else’s perspective. This is always good advice.

Process

There is a two step process second for making decisions says Ray. First take in all the information especially apposing views. Second, decide!

He says that, “You are looking for the best answer not simply the best answer you can come up with yourself.” Find people that have been successful over time and ask them.

Always plan for worse case scenarios as much as possible. The old 2 is one and 1 is none.

Upper Level and Lower Level

You need to understand what level your conversation is on. If it is about a sub-point then that is a lower level conversation. If it is a main point, that is upper level, and he says, “decisions need to be made at the appropriate level, but they should also be across levels.”

He slices it for sure. He is very detailed in his decision making. He says that most people focus on the lower level points and make decisions based on them and those decisions are inferior.

Bets and Probability

“Make your decisions as expected value calculations. Think of every decision as a bet. Reward times probability of occurring is greater than penalty times probability of occurring.” The book gets into more detail so read it.

He also points out that it is “Not always best to bet on what’s more probable. The best choices are ones that have more pros than cons, not the ones that have no cons.”

Consequences

Have you considered all the consequences of your decision? Dalio says you must consider second and third level consequences. So look at how this decision will impact you in three years. Who will it impact and what will be the consequences for them in three, five, the years. Go deep! Most people only look at first level consequences, so don’t be like most people.

Bookish Weapon Number Twelve

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“90 Seconds To A Life You Love,” by Joan Rosenberg is an extremely useful book. As usual I try to keep these limited to one idea, my favorite in the book, but I don’t do so well with that premise. This book was one of the best I read this year so I certainly can’t limit the ideas.

It gives the reader some tools to deal with emotions. She says that “The more you are able to face the pain you experience, the more capable you become.” So how do you do that? One thing that is key is the idea that emotions typically only last for 90 seconds. Can you make it for 90 seconds? A minute and a half. Sure you can. Then once you know you can make it, you get stronger or as Rosenberg says, “the more capable you become.”

Ride The Emotions

There are eight feelings according to Rosenberg. Let’s list them. Sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration, and vulnerability.

She says, “Your sense of feeling capable in the world, then, is directly tied to your ability to experience and move through the right difficult feelings.” Remember, only 90 seconds. Then she goes on to say, “The most effective strategy, then, for experiencing and moving through difficult feelings is simply to “ride the waves” of emotion until they inevitably subside.”

Naming It

According to this book you need to be careful what you are naming your emotion. She says that living in fear compromises your health and claims that if you say you are afraid of something in the future it isn’t fear. Fear is something you feel in the present when that bear steps out in front of you with her cubs in tow. If it is in the future, then the feeling is anxiety.

So anything that you say you are afraid of happening hasn’t happened so you are just anxious. No big deal. Much less of a big deal than fear.

Visualization And The Rest

She takes you through an interesting practice of visualization having you pay particular attention to your feelings when you are visualizing something. When you’re done you write the feelings down. Get the book and go through it.

In the second part of her book she spends a great deal of time on the importance of our thoughts and says, “Your thoughts and beliefs affect virtually every cell in your body.” So stay positive folks!

There is a section on cognitive distortion. You know them: All or nothing thinking, overgeneralizing, disqualifying the positive (that is a good one), magnification or minimization, personalization and should statements. I really like disqualifying the positive, because I know I do it all the time. It is rejecting the positive because it “doesn’t count.”

One of the big points she makes is about avoiding harsh self criticism and says this, “You are using your own mind to destroy your sense of self, your capacity to enjoy life in the present, and your hope, belief in, and pursuit of unlimited possibilities for the future.”

Bookish Weapon Number Eleven

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Robert Greene’s book “The Laws of Human Nature,” is 586 pages. It took me a while to get through it. There are stories about people throughout history, people I had heard about, but I never knew the details of their lives. He captures how they dealt with their human nature.

In my opinion, and maybe it is because I am as old as I am, the last chapter is the best, because it deals with death. Always a fun subject.

Uncertainty

He quotes a 14th century Japanese writer named Kenko who said, “If a man were never to fade away like the dews of Adashino, never to vanish like the smoke over Toribeyama, but lingered on forever in the world, how things would lose their power to move us. The most precious thing is life is uncertainty.” The bold emphasis is mine.

We all want to be in control even if it is just perceived control and much of the time it is just that. I have always liked the picture of the fiddler standing on a roof top in the movie, “Fiddler on the Roof,” because the main character refers to his life as being as precarious as a fiddler on a roof.

The Law

Greene’s title for this chapter is “The Law of Death Denial.” It is a law of human nature he says, but I would say it depends on culture. I think that the west is much more guilty than other parts of the world.

He begins this chapter by telling a story about Mary Flannery (1925-1964). She had been given an early death sentence and she used it to her own ends says Greene. She pushed herself because she knew time was limited for her.

Greene says, “It is a fate we all share and should draw us closer for that reason. It should shake us out of any sense of feeling superior or separated.” I have heard Kate Bowler make the observation that “we are all on the losing team.” I really like that and I might just feature one of Kate’s books here at some point as well.

Bookish Weapon Number Ten

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Jocko Willink is a former Navy Seal. He has a popular podcast that focuses on everything military. He will read the accounts of soldiers in battle throughout history. One of my favorite podcasts was listening to him read and then explain Eiji Oshikawa’s book about the life of Miyamoto Mushashi, a Japanese Samurai from the 1600s. Read that book. It is well worth it, but this Bookish Weapon is not about Mushashi, but Jocko’s book “Discipline Equals Freedom.”

Good

If you could take one thing from this book it would be that no matter what happens the proper response is “Good.” This is Jocko’s trademark phrase. It provides a great perspective on the malevolence and suffering of life. No matter what happens it is “Good.” It reminds me of Hal Elrod’s “Five Minute Rule.” The idea is to find the good in anything.

Yesterday, my car was broken into and a tool kit was stolen. Of course the theives tossed by belongings all over inside the car. Last night I used both Jocko’s and Hal’s approach. Said to myself, “Good” I will be more careful about what I leave in the car from now on and I remembered that I “can’t change it.” Another good thing about what happened is it gave me more compassion for people who have been victims of theft.

Best Ideas

Besides “Good” there were two things Jocko stressed in his book that had the most impact on me. The first has to do with emotions vs logic and the second overwhelm. He says it best in both cases:

“When your feelings are screaming at you that you have had enough, when you think you are going to break emotionally, override that emotion with concrete logic and willpower that says one thing: I DON’T STOP.” Fight weak emotions with the power of logic; Fight the weakness of logic with the power of emotion.”

Then in the case of feeling overwhelmed he says:

“Life is hard. That’s what life is. And these challenges that you face, they are going to do their best to take you down. Do not let them. Stand up. Dig in. Line up those problems and confront them – face them – fight them.”

And this is the best part:

“Do not let them bring you down. Instead, let those challenges raise you up-let them elevate you. Let their demands and their trials make you stronger-let the adversity you face today turn you into a better person tomorrow. So in the future, you look back at these struggles and you say to them: Thank you – you made me better.”

Bookish Weapon Number Nine

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The one idea from this book is reflection. I don’t recall if she even discusses it, but the impact of the book is to have you reflecting on the big and small questions in life. Here are some of the things she says that hopefully will get you thinking as well.

Death

“Death is a significant change of address.” I loved that. With everyone in our society moving here and there I think it strikes a chord.

“Somehow as we get older, death becomes as sacred as birth, and while we don’t exactly welcome it, death becomes a friend.” There are many people who recommend you think abut death every day so that yo duo not become complacent and value the present moment. One reason you you need to do this is, “There is just no way around this. Even when life sorts itself out and starts to work and we revel in what is working, the cosmic banana peel awaits.”

She quotes Ram Dass, “When all is said and done, we are all just walking each other home.”

There are other quotes in the book about death you don’t want to miss so get the book. It is worth it just for those. Is that morbid of me?

Messiness

Lamott says, “I absolutely don’t buy into the current mania for tidings and decluttering.” I say amen to that! I suppose it is because I am a messy person or at least that is be the label neat people would apply to me. It is not that I don’t clean. I just don’t see the necessity to clean every day or even more than once a week or sometimes even a few weeks. Anne, I love you for this one gem in the book!

Clutter happens. Relax and know that while some obsessive compulsive person is cleaning, you are exercising, reading, practicing and becoming better. Of course, this is just my opinion. And I do make my bed every day!

Sugar

This time she went right after my heart. Sugar! She says, “We overeat to avoid feeling fear.” I like that. Then she says she has a “serious problem with sugar. If I start eating it I often can’t stop.” Anybody else in that boat. I sure am and I think a lot of our society is right there.

Hope

Finally, the very best, in my opinion, quote from Anne Lamott is on the subject of hope, because it expresses what I often feel myself.

“Hope changes as you get a little older, from the hope that this or that happens, to hope in life, old friends, laughter, art, goodness, helpers. I hope and am amazed, some mornings, at just finding myself alive.”