Stay on Offense Climb Mountains

Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-Seven

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“You Are Awesome,” by Neil Pasricha is an inspiring book and certainly a weapon for you to use as you make your way through this life. This is a fun book with interesting and uplifting stories in it that keep your attention.

End Of The Sentence

What comes at the end of a sentence? A question mark? Maybe, but more often it is a period. Neil suggests that we should all be open to making that period a “…” A what? A dot, dot, dot. This tells the reader there is more to come. You lose a job and it is not just “I lost my job.” It is I lost my job…” There is always more to the story so you need “the quiet courage to change the punctuation.”

He goes on to say that “Everything you do, every path you take, every diagnosis you get, every wall you hit, every setback, every failure, every rejection. All of these experiences are part of the unfinished sentence of your life story.” Isn’t that the best? It is a perfect way to look at everything that happens.

The Illusion

Neil calls it “the end of history illusion.” It is when one thing happens and you decide that is it. Everything is over. My life is over. He puts it so well when he says, “We all think that the way things are now is the way things will always be.” I lost my job and I will never find another. I got a divorce and I will never have another relationship. Well, that is the case with me, but that is another story. Neil says the researchers call this the “end of history illusion.” Then he goes on to say that “everything we go through in life is a step to help us get to a better place.”

Questions

Questions seem to be the answer to a lot of things. Tony Robbins talks about asking higher quality questions and that everyone has a “Primary Question” they ask themselves, but that is another article. Neil discusses the necessity to “tilt the lens.” To see the stories you tell yourself from a different perspective and he gives you three questions to help with this.

The first question is “Will this matter on my deathbed?” Good question. Will it? The second is “Can I do something about it?” Another good question. And finally, “ Is this a story I am telling myself?” We can really spin some stories on top of any situation or reality. Be careful with that and be sure to ask this question.

Confession

In my Catholic days going to confession always felt better after the event. Neil has a section devoted to the importance of getting it out. He suggests that you give yourself three prompts every morning.

The first one has to do with letting go of regrets that you are aware of. The three questions:

I will let go of…
I am grateful for…
I will focus on…

I can tell you from experience that the second of these really helps your perspective on day to day life.
The book contains much more so go get it and read it. You will be happy you did.

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-Five

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Ryan Holiday likes to write books about the Stoics. This is his latest at the time of this writing and is called, “Stillness Is The Key.” Not a bad title. There are a couple of ideas I liked in the book. One was the importance of sitting and letting your mind wander. The other is how journaling is just for you, not for someone else to read.

There is one other area Holiday discusses which I will briefly cover and that is Virtue. I suppose the main focus is on journaling and sitting alone because I spend so much time alone and then because journaling is one of the four strategies I discuss in my book.

Sitting Alone

Holiday says we need to sit, empty our minds and think. He says we should think about the following:

“Think about what’s important to you.”
“Think about what’s actually going on.”
“Think about what might be hidden from view.”
“Think about what the rest of the chessboard looks like.”
“Think about what the meaning of life really is.”

So that gets you started. The interesting thing was not what Holiday had to say but someone he quotes at length. It is Twyla Tharp, author, dancer and I would say a very wise person. In fact, I am looking forward to reading some of her books. So, what does she say about sitting and thinking?

“Sit alone in a room and let your thoughts go wherever they will. Do this for one minute…Work up to ten minutes a day of this mindless mental wandering. Then start paying attention to your thoughts to see if a word or goal materializes. If it doesn’t, extend the exercise to eleven minutes, then twelve, then thirteen…until you find the length of time you need to ensure that something interesting will come to mind. The Gaelic phrase for this state of mind is “quietness without loneliness.”

Isn’t that fantastic? I think it is. It is the best thing in this book.

Journaling

As I said this is one of my four strategies in “Attacking Adversity.” It has helped me immensely over the years. Holiday devotes an entire chapter to it. Maybe he read my book! He points out that Anne Frank kept a journal and that “she didn’t write every day, but always wrote when she was upset or dealing with a problem.” That is exactly what I do. Not as brilliantly as Anne Frank, but it gets the job done. Holiday liked her observation that “Paper has more patience than people.”

Holiday says, “this is what the best journals look like. They aren’t for the reader. They are for the writer. To slow the mind down. To wage peace with oneself.” I sure agree with that last part. “Wage peace with oneself.” After writing in my journal I am so much more peaceful than a few minutes before that. As Holiday says, writing things down helps you see your thinking from a distance. That is helpful as well.

Virtue

Holiday has a whole chapter on virtue. Here are two things I thought were very good. He says, “…the person who knows what they value? Who has a strong sense of decency and principle and behaves accordingly? Who possesses easy moral self-command, who leans comfortably on this goodness, day in and day out? This person has found stillness.”

Then discussing what someone might do in different situations he offers this:

“Different situations naturally call for different virtues and different epithets for the self. When we are going into a tough assignment, we can say to ourselves over and over again, “Strength and courage.” Before a tough conversation with a significant other: “Patience and kindness.” In times of corruption and evil “Goodness and honesty.”

Go Hiking And Don’t Step On A Rattler

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Another hike from the bottom of the Grand Canyon, on the Colorado River that I was a part of, was a hair-raiser. These hikes were typically a 5 to 10-mile round trip and this particular one was no exception. It was designed to enable us to get the view you see in the picture above.

Snake!

One of the guides would not allow me to use my trekking poles which I liked, because my knees were much worse in 1998 than they are now. As it turned out, it was probably a good idea.

The hike began as a medium grade climb. Everyone lined up behind the guide. Part of me does not even like the idea of a “guide,” but in the Grand Canyon, you need one. They know the trails and dangers. Soon we came to a flatter area with low, dry bushes. We were just enjoying the desert scenery when the guide yells, “snake to your left.” Then he says, “Move slow but keep moving.” Nothing connects to your primal sense of survival as hearing that word. I looked to my left and just in front of me was the biggest rattlesnake I had ever seen. It was curled up and in the striking position, but it was asleep! Whew! So we all moved right on by with no problems.

Scorpions

The snake is not the only danger you face in this area. We were told at the very beginning of the trip to be sure to keep your boots inside your tent overnight. Otherwise, you might get a real surprise when you put them on the next morning. There is a clear or pale scorpion called centruroides that crawls around looking for shoes I guess. They only bite when defending themselves, but I guess if you try to crush them in your boot they might take that as an attack.

These pale scorpions are deadly. Here is a quote for you, “The estimated annual number of scorpion stings is 1.2 million leading to 3250 deaths (0.27%). For every person killed by a venomous snake, 10 are killed by a venomous scorpion.” However, I also read that these deaths have declined over the years.

So if you are climbing in the desert you need to be cautious. Still, don’t let them stop you! Go hiking!

Go Hiking And Find The Strength Within

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No matter what difficulties I am facing from day to day, when I get up in the mountains I find a strength that I don’t have when I am not climbing. I think it is one of the ways I connect with my creator.

Of course, you are outdoors in creation. Being outside in the forest aligns with our nature as humans.

The Quiet

There are places in the mountains away from freeways and even the sound of waterfalls where you can hear your heartbeat. In these places, I am rejuvenated. I find the strength I didn’t know I had.

Having places like this gives me a place to rest. Resting when climbing mountains is typically not what I do. However, in these cases, I make an exception.

The Clouds

Am I the only person that finds strength in clouds? Especially in the mountains where they hide part of a view or make a landscape almost spooky.

Everyone has seen clouds take the shape of familiar things or scary things. You might see a dragon or an angel. Somehow, in the mountains, these images are more powerful and can transfer that power to the person watching.

The Trees

I know I have talked about being a tree hugger before this. The trees surround you and I suppose that is why you hear the term “nature bathing.” The large ones are so old. I read once that old trees talk. It is just that they talk so slow you can’t understand them.

Trees seem so much more stable than me. Rooted deep in the ground seemingly unmovable. And I think you can borrow some of that stability just by being around them.

The quiet, clouds and trees all combine to strengthen the spirit within. So go hiking!

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-Four

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This book by Barbara Hansen had a profound impact on me at a time when I was struggling so I am hoping it will be useful for you as well. With that in mind, I will highlight a few of my favorite parts of the book.

First, however, I think the author’s back story is important. She was paralyzed at 19 years old and spent the rest of her life in a wheelchair. She describes some of her challenges including getting out of bed every morning using an elaborate hoisting method. Then she loses her home in a storm. So she is very qualified to discuss overcoming adversity.

Internal Resources

Hansen’s main focus is on developing internal resources to handle life’s difficulties. She talks about creating a “steel core of spiritual strength. There are three important first steps she discusses: 1) Process the pain of the past 2) Choose our response to reality 3) Stop making ourselves victims. She says, “By changing our thoughts and attitudes we can modify our actions, habits.” This way we gain inner strength.

What I find interesting is that she does not tell you what attitudes you should have and says this depends on the individual as long as it “nourishes the soul and makes us better people.”

She says, “Memorizing inspirational and peaceful lines from poetry or scripture has given me the inner strength to get through life’s lousy times.” This is good advice. It does take a little bit of work to do the memorization, but it is worth it.

We All Count

Hansen quotes William George Jordan, in his book, “The Majesty of Calmness.” Jordan says, “ Man’s unconscious influence, the silent subtle radiation of his personality, the effect of his words and acts, the trifles he never considers, is tremendous. Every moment of life is changing to a degree the life of the whole world.” Consider that last statement! Every moment of your life is effecting the whole world! That is such an uplifting and serious thought. We all count.

Death, divorce, aging, being single are all reasons for feeling what Hansen calls, “terminally alone.” She calls for all of us to become aware and be the person for someone who feels alone.

Journaling and Books

Hansen doesn’t specifically discuss journaling, but she talks about “typing.” Here is what she says, “ At the end of the day I will often know that life is not right; something’s wrong. Having only this vague sense of discontent, I’ll not be sure exactly what I am feeling or why I am feeling it, but I know something is corrupting my peace of mind. Typing helps me pull my emotions outside of myself and place them onto the screen. The longer I type the clearer my feelings and ideas become, my paper psychiatrist has helped me face, sift through, and deal with the emotional pain that has periodically pounded my life. As thing gives form and focus to my ideas and feelings, I find I am no longer in the clutches of discontent. Talking to my paper psychiatrist gives me a clear awareness of what it feels like to be me.” She says this so much better than I did in my book, but it is one of four things that helped me deal with adversity. I called it journalling and she calls it typing, but it is the same.

She says books give her strength and pleasure. “The insights and inspiration I get from books “refill my pitcher” when my pitcher gets empty.” So grab a book. It can make a difference.

Faith

Hansen says that “faith in God gives us a desire not only to live but to live well unless we believe being alive makes the world a better place, we are going to have a hard time getting in touch with our spiritual core; unless we have faith in our own uniqueness, we’ll find it difficult to to have faith in a power higher than ourselves.”…”This faith in our personal spiritual value gives us staying power when life hands us rotten reality.”

I love the final sentence in her book after she discusses the importance of spirituality as an anchor in everyone’s life and the hope it gives us. Then she says, “This hope isn’t the certainty that life will turn out well; it’s the belief that life makes sense regardless of how it turns out.”

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-Three

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Do you want to make better decisions and respond appropriately in more situations? Then this Elizabeth Stanley’s book, “Widen the Window,” is for you. It is a weapon you need in your arsenal.

This is a 400-page book so to pick one idea is pretty much impossible. So I won’t do that. I am going to give you the basics.

Basic Knowledge

Stanley asks that you read the first part of the book before reading her “solutions.” This makes sense because you need to be motivated to use what she suggests. She developed a course called MMFT or for short M-Fit and the book is mostly about the scientific and intellectual concepts that undergird this course. With that in mind, let’s continue.

She says that her “…window of tolerance to stress arousal was adaptively wired in response to my early social environment. It was narrowed during exposure to prolonged stress and trauma without adequate recovery.” Stanley had a tough childhood and then had more difficult times in the military which she discusses in the book.

We have two brains. The survival brain and the thinking brain is what Stanley calls them. They usually fight. It is not good when they fight with each other. The “thinking brain” engages in top-down processing which includes cognitive responses to things. It memorizes and learns stuff. Got it? The “survival brain” is “bottom-up processing.” “One of the survival brain’s most important functions is neuroception, an unconscious process of rapidly scanning the internal and external environment for opportunities/safety/pleasure and threats/danger/pain.” Its memory and learning system is “implicit.”

One of her main coping strategies was “suck it up and move on.” Some people have addictions or adrenaline-seeking behavior, disordered eating and a whole host of other things like isolation. She says these dynamics affect all of us and …they’re shared by anyone who fails to recalibrate their mind-body system after a distressing or traumatic event, such as a flood, car accident, or loss of a job or loved one. They are also shared by anyone who habitually over tenses their mind-body system during prolonged stress without adequate recovery, such as crashing to meet a deadline or working long hours over an extended period without some days off.”

Our childhood affects how wide our window is and works as a negative stressor as an adult. Even in daily life. She cautions that “By understanding how stress and trauma are a continuum, we can see how we might devalue things that are extremely stressful for the survival brain but “not that bad” to the thinking brain.” But, “…the survival brain believes the traumatic event was never complete.”

You might have a mind-body system that unconsciously craves a crisis. That’s not good

There is a lot more basic knowledge, but this gives you a decent look.

The Fix

Stanley wants us “to use our biology in a new way. By systematically training our attention, we can widen the window within which our thinking brain and survival brain work together cooperatively.”

She gives us two exercises to do. The first one, called the “Contact Point Exercise,” involves sitting in a chair and getting a sense of how it feels, how it supports your body and then you notice all the contact points of the chair with your body. You scan your body for tightness or tension. See if the tension shifts. Then you bring the sensation back to physical contact with the chair and she says to pay attention to three areas: 1) between your legs, butt, and lower back and the chair; 2) between your feet and the ground and 3) where your hands are touching your legs or each other. Then pick one point where you feel most contact. Then direct and sustain your attention at that point. Just like meditation, if your attention wonders ring it back. Then after 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes notice your whole body and notice if anything has changed. Higher energy? Less or more tension? That’s the first exercise in a nutshell.

The second exercise she calls “Grounding and Release,” which is a lot like the first. Get yourself into a chair, bring your attention to your symptoms of stress activation (she has a whole list f these in the book). Pay attention to the physical sensations. Once you notice that you are “activated.” Then notice that contact point again with the chair. Keep your focus on the contact point until you feel release from the stress or “activation.”

The idea with this second exercise is to “…let the thinking brain be the survival brain’s ally, by disengaging attention from the stress activation and redirecting the attention towards stimuli that will facilitate the survival brain neurocepting safety.

Rest Of The Book

The rest of the book is more or less typical self-help information. It is interesting, but not as crucial as the above.