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Attacking Adversity

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-Six

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“The Code Of The Extraordinary Mind,” by Vishen Lakhiani includes many ideas. I disagreed with many of them, but there were some I thought were more than worthy of discussion.

Vishen has not only written this book but owns “Mindvalley” where you can upgrade your existence through a host of self-development programs.

Extraordinary

If everyone were extraordinary there wouldn’t be anyone that was extraordinary. Lakhiani makes the case that we all have that potential if we read his book and apply what he teaches.

There are many twists and turns of words and phrases in this book. One I liked was “Recoding Yourself.” Lakhiani has a background in computer engineering so coding is in his blood so to speak. All we need is a new algorithm inside us or maybe more. One of the ways to do this is to identify your “Brules.” Brules stands for bulls**t rules that guide our lives but that we should have gotten rid of long ago. I disagree with him about this, but that is another story. Certainly, there are some rules we could change for the better.

He discusses your systems for living or your software and in law number three he says, “Extraordinary minds understand that their growth depends on two things: their models of reality and their systems for living. They carefully curate the most empowering models and systems and frequently update themselves.”

Gratitude and What I Love About Myself

Eventually, every self-help writer gets around to the subject of gratitude. I loved these exercises Lakhaini gives you to do. I read somewhere else that with gratitude the key is to focus on your feelings when you write down the things you are grateful for. He wants us to do this in the evening, but I think you can do it in the morning as well.

The “Reverse Gap” is a concept from Dan Sullivan he discusses to help you experience gratitude daily. He says most of us are trained to experience the “Forward Gap.” That is the gap from where we are to where we want to be, but it doesn’t work so well. Instead, we should look backward to see how far we have come – the reverse gap.

The second exercise is asking yourself what you love about you. He says, “Think about what it is about you as a human being that you can love.” Make it three to five things.

These two exercises help you rewire your beliefs so you can be extraordinary.

Goals

“A good goal should scare you a little and excite you a lot.” I like that. He also says people confuse means goals and end goals. A career or college major are means goals. You should ask yourself what do you ultimately want to experience or have in your life. He says end goals are about following your heart and they are often feelings.

So ask yourself what experiences do I want to have in my life? How do you want to grow? How do you want to contribute? All good questions. He discusses “self-fueled goals.” These are goals that come from the inside and are not impacted by circumstances. An example he gives is “I will always be learning and growing.”

The Quest

This small section stood out. It is about finding your mission. Lakhiani says, “Recall a time when you experienced Heaven on Earth. What was happening?” Then, “Imagine you have a magic wand and with it you can create Heaven on Earth. What is Heaven on Earth for you?” And then ask, “What simple, easy concrete step(s) will you take in the next twenty-four hours to make Heaven on Earth real?

There is so much in this book that I have not discussed so please read it.

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-Five

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Ryan Holiday likes to write books about the Stoics. This is his latest at the time of this writing and is called, “Stillness Is The Key.” Not a bad title. There are a couple of ideas I liked in the book. One was the importance of sitting and letting your mind wander. The other is how journaling is just for you, not for someone else to read.

There is one other area Holiday discusses which I will briefly cover and that is Virtue. I suppose the main focus is on journaling and sitting alone because I spend so much time alone and then because journaling is one of the four strategies I discuss in my book.

Sitting Alone

Holiday says we need to sit, empty our minds and think. He says we should think about the following:

“Think about what’s important to you.”
“Think about what’s actually going on.”
“Think about what might be hidden from view.”
“Think about what the rest of the chessboard looks like.”
“Think about what the meaning of life really is.”

So that gets you started. The interesting thing was not what Holiday had to say but someone he quotes at length. It is Twyla Tharp, author, dancer and I would say a very wise person. In fact, I am looking forward to reading some of her books. So, what does she say about sitting and thinking?

“Sit alone in a room and let your thoughts go wherever they will. Do this for one minute…Work up to ten minutes a day of this mindless mental wandering. Then start paying attention to your thoughts to see if a word or goal materializes. If it doesn’t, extend the exercise to eleven minutes, then twelve, then thirteen…until you find the length of time you need to ensure that something interesting will come to mind. The Gaelic phrase for this state of mind is “quietness without loneliness.”

Isn’t that fantastic? I think it is. It is the best thing in this book.

Journaling

As I said this is one of my four strategies in “Attacking Adversity.” It has helped me immensely over the years. Holiday devotes an entire chapter to it. Maybe he read my book! He points out that Anne Frank kept a journal and that “she didn’t write every day, but always wrote when she was upset or dealing with a problem.” That is exactly what I do. Not as brilliantly as Anne Frank, but it gets the job done. Holiday liked her observation that “Paper has more patience than people.”

Holiday says, “this is what the best journals look like. They aren’t for the reader. They are for the writer. To slow the mind down. To wage peace with oneself.” I sure agree with that last part. “Wage peace with oneself.” After writing in my journal I am so much more peaceful than a few minutes before that. As Holiday says, writing things down helps you see your thinking from a distance. That is helpful as well.

Virtue

Holiday has a whole chapter on virtue. Here are two things I thought were very good. He says, “…the person who knows what they value? Who has a strong sense of decency and principle and behaves accordingly? Who possesses easy moral self-command, who leans comfortably on this goodness, day in and day out? This person has found stillness.”

Then discussing what someone might do in different situations he offers this:

“Different situations naturally call for different virtues and different epithets for the self. When we are going into a tough assignment, we can say to ourselves over and over again, “Strength and courage.” Before a tough conversation with a significant other: “Patience and kindness.” In times of corruption and evil “Goodness and honesty.”

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-Three

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Do you want to make better decisions and respond appropriately in more situations? Then this Elizabeth Stanley’s book, “Widen the Window,” is for you. It is a weapon you need in your arsenal.

This is a 400-page book so to pick one idea is pretty much impossible. So I won’t do that. I am going to give you the basics.

Basic Knowledge

Stanley asks that you read the first part of the book before reading her “solutions.” This makes sense because you need to be motivated to use what she suggests. She developed a course called MMFT or for short M-Fit and the book is mostly about the scientific and intellectual concepts that undergird this course. With that in mind, let’s continue.

She says that her “…window of tolerance to stress arousal was adaptively wired in response to my early social environment. It was narrowed during exposure to prolonged stress and trauma without adequate recovery.” Stanley had a tough childhood and then had more difficult times in the military which she discusses in the book.

We have two brains. The survival brain and the thinking brain is what Stanley calls them. They usually fight. It is not good when they fight with each other. The “thinking brain” engages in top-down processing which includes cognitive responses to things. It memorizes and learns stuff. Got it? The “survival brain” is “bottom-up processing.” “One of the survival brain’s most important functions is neuroception, an unconscious process of rapidly scanning the internal and external environment for opportunities/safety/pleasure and threats/danger/pain.” Its memory and learning system is “implicit.”

One of her main coping strategies was “suck it up and move on.” Some people have addictions or adrenaline-seeking behavior, disordered eating and a whole host of other things like isolation. She says these dynamics affect all of us and …they’re shared by anyone who fails to recalibrate their mind-body system after a distressing or traumatic event, such as a flood, car accident, or loss of a job or loved one. They are also shared by anyone who habitually over tenses their mind-body system during prolonged stress without adequate recovery, such as crashing to meet a deadline or working long hours over an extended period without some days off.”

Our childhood affects how wide our window is and works as a negative stressor as an adult. Even in daily life. She cautions that “By understanding how stress and trauma are a continuum, we can see how we might devalue things that are extremely stressful for the survival brain but “not that bad” to the thinking brain.” But, “…the survival brain believes the traumatic event was never complete.”

You might have a mind-body system that unconsciously craves a crisis. That’s not good

There is a lot more basic knowledge, but this gives you a decent look.

The Fix

Stanley wants us “to use our biology in a new way. By systematically training our attention, we can widen the window within which our thinking brain and survival brain work together cooperatively.”

She gives us two exercises to do. The first one, called the “Contact Point Exercise,” involves sitting in a chair and getting a sense of how it feels, how it supports your body and then you notice all the contact points of the chair with your body. You scan your body for tightness or tension. See if the tension shifts. Then you bring the sensation back to physical contact with the chair and she says to pay attention to three areas: 1) between your legs, butt, and lower back and the chair; 2) between your feet and the ground and 3) where your hands are touching your legs or each other. Then pick one point where you feel most contact. Then direct and sustain your attention at that point. Just like meditation, if your attention wonders ring it back. Then after 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes notice your whole body and notice if anything has changed. Higher energy? Less or more tension? That’s the first exercise in a nutshell.

The second exercise she calls “Grounding and Release,” which is a lot like the first. Get yourself into a chair, bring your attention to your symptoms of stress activation (she has a whole list f these in the book). Pay attention to the physical sensations. Once you notice that you are “activated.” Then notice that contact point again with the chair. Keep your focus on the contact point until you feel release from the stress or “activation.”

The idea with this second exercise is to “…let the thinking brain be the survival brain’s ally, by disengaging attention from the stress activation and redirecting the attention towards stimuli that will facilitate the survival brain neurocepting safety.

Rest Of The Book

The rest of the book is more or less typical self-help information. It is interesting, but not as crucial as the above.

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty-One

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Is everything in life “Figureoutable?” Is that even a word? Well, Marie Forleo in her bilk by that name says so. The exact title is “Everything is Figureoutable.” One of the clubs that Brendon Burchard clubs you with time after time is the importance of believing that you can “figure it out,” whatever it is. If you believe that then there isn’t much that will stop you.

Everything is Figureoutable

Yes, I know I just said that, but Marie tells us that we need to repeat it over and over again until it becomes a part of who we are as people.

What it really comes down to says Marie, is that our beliefs tend to stick so make “everything is figureoutble” a belief! As Marie says, “The most powerful words in the universe are the words lousy to yourself.” Tony Robbins would add that if these words are said with emotion they are even more powerful.

Excuses

I like her take on excuses. “If it’s important enough, I’ll make the time. If not, I’ll make an excuse.”

One excuse that Marie discusses is “I don’t have the money.” Well, I don’t! She is having none of it. First, she says you might not need the money, because there are lots of free resources out there. For instance, you can get a world-class education online and she gives you that information as well as a much longer list of resources for raising money. Then she points out that if you really do need more money and can’t get it elsewhere, get another job. I liked the one.

Fear, Dreams, Goals

This book discusses all of these topics in detail. She discusses fear as any self-respecting “self-help” author does, and how we shouldn’t let it stop us. Use it as fuel!

Goals – choose one and write it down. There is much more to this, but that is the basic idea.

Dreams are those things that you desire and desire is, after all etymologically “of God.” You are special. The world needs what you bring to the table. Consider what Fred Rogers says, “If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never dream of.” Marie says, “uncovering, developing, and sharing your gifts—-that’s the whole reason you’re here on earth. I believe that is the whole reason any of us are here. To create and contribute to one another.” Hey, that is why I write about these ideas from books.

Bookish Weapon Number Twenty

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From now on I am going to see if I can tie my hiking post in with the book I am discussing. So this time I picked, “Claim Your Power, by Mastin Kip. It is a powerful book. There is no doubt about that. I got a lot out of it. Do I agree with everything in the book? No.

It is, as the subtitle says, “A 40 day journey to dissolve the hidden blocks that keep you stuck and finally thrive in your life’s unique purpose.” Here are some of the best ideas.

Finding Your Purpose

This was one of the best parts of the book. Kipp has you pay attention to your heart and then he says to remember when you were a child and ask the following question. “What is the earliest, happiest memory I can remember? Then accept the first memory that comes to mind. Then write it down and ask yourself the following: “Who was in the memory? What did I believe about life in that moment?” Then think a bit about that. Then ask what the next happiest memory followed by the same questions just mentioned. Then you repeat the entire process again and again and again. With the last one he has you list a most recent happy memory with the same followup questions.

Next you write down each of the five memories again. Then you go through a process of finding the emotions behind each memory. Then he drills down to your two “primary emotions.” You need to get the book!

Finally he has you fill in the blank for this statement: “I was born to_____myself and my Higher Power, and feel the ______that results while inspiring others to feel the same.”

How about that! Pretty powerful I think. I have done similar exercises where you go back to your childhood and I think they are very good at getting to who you are at your core.

This book is full of exercises to help you.

Your Soul’s Mission

Another section in the book takes you through the process of discovering your mission. It is very good. It s about how your purpose driven goals align with your Soul’s mission and discovering your special gift. He says it is what comes easy to you and I ask, what if nothing come easy to me? But that is another story. I liked some of the questions such as, “How can I turn my goals into a mission greater than myself?

If you, like me, say that nothing comes easy to you, one of the things you might consider which is not discussed in this book is a “talent stack.” It is a stack of skills that you might not find easy but you are pretty good at. If you want to know more about this stack check out the creator of Dilbert, Scott Adams. That is how he became successful.

Bookish Weapon Number Eighteen

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We are all going to die or as John Ortberg puts it, “Old Man Wrinkle is coming for everybody.” Ortberg has a unique way of reminding us of that fact and adding a twist or two in his book, “When The Game Is Over It All Goes Back In The Box.” That is one of the best titles for a book I have seen and contains a bookish weapon we can all use daily.

The title is a reminder that while we play this game, winning and losing at times, when it is all over all the pieces and the board go back in the box. It could be that the “box” is a coffin.”

Reality

“The reality of this world is that I was born into Someone Else’s kingdom. My life came to me as a gift I did not choose; it is suspended from a slender thread that I did not weave and cannot on my own sustain.”

Here is a meditation Ortberg quotes:

I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.
I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.
I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.
All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

Then he says Jesus added one more to this: “I am a ceaseless being with an eternal destiny in God’s great universe.”

He also adds this much needed quote from Bernie Siegle:

“I’ve done the research and I hate to tell you, but everybody dies – lovers, joggers, vegetarians and non-smokers. I’m telling you this so that some of you who jog at 5:00 AM and eat vegetables will occasionally sleep late and have an ice cream cone.”

Meaning

A vacuum cleaner is built to clean. A knife to cut. Ortberg says, “We are built for meaning the way Porsches are built for speed.” He goes on to discuss how all of us have what Martin Seligman calls “signature strengths.” And of course goes on to encourage us to use our signature strengths in the service of something larger than ourselves.

You are most likely familiar with the book “Mans Search for Meaning” where Victor Frankl points out that we can put up with anything if we have a big enough why. We can find meaning in even the worst circumstances.